| Sent: | 03 January 2010 06:30:56 |
| To: | joyce.cockell@dsl.pipex.com; jane.fisher@winchester.anglican.org; helen.gunner@dsl.pipex.com; martyn.sanders@dsl.pipex.com |
Just to add, anyone one from the church, Bob key, Ms. Fisher or anyone using Philip LeClaire to 'pass messages' to me or 'communicate', Philip has never on any occasion told me anything the church has said, or told me how much communication has gone on between him and the church about me, I am only aware as he told me that he told Bob Key off about something, what exactly I do not know,
the only thing Philip has said about the church is to tell me about meeting with Jane Fisher, which made me angry as I have already refused a meeting with Jane Fisher as she has made it more than clear that she is against me on the side of Bob Key and his abuser friends and the churches who have treated me like dirt as a result of all this.
Philip has mentioned nothing else but the meeting he mentioned had already been refused, being verbally battered by Jane Fisher in this horrific state of mind has not been helpful, meeting with her to be verbally battered further would lead to me being hospitalised and if I was conscious the claustrophobia would leave me mad with terror as well.
I am disgusted with the way I have been treated by Ms. Fisher and the way she has made out I am to blame for things that I am not, that things that have happened have not, and the way she has made the people who have abused me and harrased me out to be 'christians who get things wrong' while my retaliations leading to me being in trouble as the church have done nothing but harm me, are met by Jane Fisher's response 'if you dont want to be arrested dont harass people', as my abusers harrass me and she describes this as 'we are just christians who get things wrong' and makes out I have not been mistreated and shunned because of rumours but because of my behaviour.
When I asked her to name a specific incident of my behaviour being not a reaction to people treating me like dirt for being abused, she replied with 'you are responsible for your reactions' firstly that is not an answer, secondly no, I am no longer responsible and in control after the way I have been destroyed by the church.
And since when were my abusers not responsible? for abusing me, for lying to the police, for maligning me to the point of me being driven from the church community and unable to believe in a God.
Apparently they are just christians who get things wrong, while I am a criminal to the point that Jane Fisher can justify everyone elses behaviour and condemn me, as she and Phil Warren condemn me, she tells me regarding my abuser that she 'can't judge'.
I am appalled at the way the church has behaved, especially the BBC cover up that left me severely harmed, and the fact that Bob Key was left unreprimanded for serious misconduct and Jane Fisher's comment on that was 'people get things wrong'.
People in a position Bob Key is in should not 'get things wrong' in that manner and to that extent, that would have meant Bob Key and Mike taylor protecting an abuser to go on running a church. And Jane Fisher does not say of me 'oh she got things wrong' she implies that I deserve everything I have got, to be in collapse and driven from church by the influence of my abusers and supporters, done for harrassment when Jane Fisher has evidence that I have been maligned by my abuser to cover up his behaviour when my 'harrassment' of my abuser was purely frustration and fury at being abused to the point of being seriously psychologically damaged (for example, my abuser regressed me, made me like a little child on daddy's knee, made me talk about rape and babies, left me regressed and shouted at and called a burden by his wife, threw me away when I spoke up) and then he lied, and he was the one in a position of influence and with Mike Taylor's backing, so I was the one shunned and refused pastoral care by what the samaritans call 'the fake christians of Jersey', Jane Fisher Makes out my abusers are 'christians who get things wrong, there was no hope whatsoever for my faith when I heard that, from the safeguarding officer attacking an abuse victim and leaving the samaritans to try to help, Jane Fisher and Phil Warren have no right to Judge me for bitterness, Phil Warren had never even spoken to me before his verbal attack, and I was certainly not displaying bitterness when I was merely asking for prayer for a friend, yet Jane Fisher makes out she does not judge when she has more than judged, she has condemned me.
I am unable to ever return to God, God is Jane Fisher and Phil Warren and my abusers, not the loving God who I adored before I me tthe grim St. andrews church and its male ego prayer control and the big four evangelical churches with their untruths and shunning.
This email will spark another nasty and unhelpful reply from Ms. fisher, a self righteous blanket condemnation and blame of me, a self righteous untrue 'Christian' based hammer blow to my non existant faith, sorry, I am not interested, Ms. Fisher, you have prioritised covering the church's back and condemning me and advocating for my abusers and Key who supports them and all the other wrongdoings of the church, and you have left me neither safeguarded nor included, according to you, my abusers who are still paraded as heros and overwhelmed with sympathy because of their lies and calling me a liar are still thus welcome in church, while I am driven out, and you pretend it is because of my 'behaviour' - so explain christianity to me, I am obviously not a 'christian who gets things wrong' in your eyes or the eyes of the church 'because of my behaviour' but a man who takes in an autistic person and makes out he and his wife are adopting her, but keeps it a secret, grooms and abuses this person while telling them he is healing her with God, plays her and his wife against each other, throws this person away as she speaks up, lies to his preist, his Dean and the police, leaves this person ill and destroyed and uses the fact that the church does nothing to him and his position in the church to malign his victim, has her in police trouble for retaliating, while he goes on maligning her and facing no police action though the safeguarding officer has evidence he is doing this and the safeguarding officer explains this as 'christians doing things wrong' while she slams the autistic victim who is in police trouble and very ill for reacting to terrible treatment from the church who she has asked for pastoral care and been shunned and let down repeatedly.
The safeguarding officer implies that someone who is autistic, ill, destraught, traumatised by last straw abuse on top of almost a lifetime of trauma and hugely let down by the church is worse than a sexual predator who preys on vulnerable people from the position of 'respected christian' in church leadership, and people in church pastoral teams who shun the victim on behalf of the abuser, and worse still launch verbal attacks on a victim in a pastoral situation when the victim is doing absolutley nothing to merit it, and the safeguarding officer tries to deny these things have happened and uses bitterness as an excuse to smash the victim for bringing the matter up, your safeguarding officer tries to say this is closed, and for someone who 'doesn't judge' she has no right to judge the matter closed when I brought it up simply to illustrate the point that that attack on me was nothing to do with my behaviour but to do with the way I was being maligned, as I was there for prayer and Phil Warren launched into a verbal attack nothing to do with my prayer request for an ill friend, he started by saying to me 'I have heard some of what has been happening at st andrews and it is to stop' I had not mentioned st andrews to him, and had no intention of doing so and this judgement against me which for some reason Ms. Fisher is determined to deny, illustrates a point and was not 'bringing up the past any more than Phil Warren was by apparently making out I was bitter when he had never spoken to me before, how Ms. fisher thinks she is in a position to condemn me for this awful attack on me I do not know, but Phil Warren's attack, where he trapped me and implied banning me is simply an example of the way I have been treated here over and over again and Jane Fisher tries to deny this, making a judgement where she has no right to.
The end result is Ms Fisher thinks she has effectively battered me into silence for the wrong I have suffered and covered up for the church misconduct and very unchristian and hypocritical behaviour at the expense of me, I doubt despite her preaching 'christian' and 'judgement' that ms Fisher can find anything in Jesus' teaching that backs up church cover ups and church excuses and battering an abuse victim into the ground for the sake of her abusers, I think Jesus anger at the pharisees would be Jesus' anger at the church of england for covering their backs and lying and sacrificing an abuse victim, no matter what the victim has done when her behaviour ( which is a disability) has gone out of control as a reaction, do you think Jesus taught batter someone who is ill and disabled? or help them? and not in the evangelical destroying miracles way that I have experienced in Jersey, where they make it your fault you have problems, as that is not Jesus, that is a form of destroyal that has added to all this. Jesus did not tell Jane Fisher to batter me into the ground and deny things that have happened to me, He did not say 'go ahead and drive Judith to death and make out she is whining, threaning or making it up' Jesus said love people, help people, be honest, be kind, I was not capapble of love or helping apart from volunteer work, which I loved, I was honest, and I wanted to be kind, but I am condemned and destroyed and drowing in incorrect and unfair judgements from Fisher, who makes out I am incorrect and judgemental, sorry, but Fisher cannot say Key just got things wrong' influenced by Taylor and the Avertys who he interviewed first - not just wrong, misconduct- he did not give me a fair hearing, and was asked to communicate through Philip LeClaire, who never passed on what Key said, or anything the church said, I have heard nothing from Key since summer last year, and while Jane Fisher has been unhelpful and hostile and made the glib God excuses that send my faith beyond repair ( stating that abuse is Christian, just as some people at st catherines did of maslcolm eastlake, does not leave any hope for my faith) abuse and christianity do not go together even if the church of england wants them to, and condemning me for reacting when I am so severely damaged that I have no hope or future, is surely not what this hostile safeguarding officer should be doing.
I may be able to write for hours but nothing I can write begins to express my horror at the way I have been treated by the church of england and the way the matter has been left with Jane Fisher who supports Key and my abusers against me, and would rather see me have a criminal record for retaliating to her 'christian' abuser friends than accept the fact that my abusers and Key who supports them have caused me harm in the church community by maligning me, a criminal act equal to what I was doing in reacting in fury to the church and the BBC who supported the church, I was unaware that what I was doing was criminal, but not able to get any support for my failing help, and ratehr being shunned from church support, until the point where st Matthews prayer team (bless them) stepped in too late, and genuinelytried, I truly have nothing but praise for them and think they are outstanding, but I was simply no longer able to accept 'God help' after th way I had been condemned.
so, Jane Fisher justifies leaving this sorry mess in a sorry mess and having left my abusers in charge for long enough for their lies, coupled with their smooth pretence (oh he is good at this, he pretended he was sacked from st pauls by mistake and they forgave him) of compassion and forgiveness, coupled with them calling me a liar in the street in front of others, funny this christianity, allows some people to behave as they like and they are 'forgiven' and christians' while their victims are neither forgiven nor allowed to receive pastoral care or allowed to be 'christians' who can do as they like to people because they are forgiven, no, I am not 'forgiven' by Jane Fisher for being disabled destroyed and a victim of abuse, lies and shunning, it is not in her v ersion of christianity, just forgiving abusers and people who support them by shunning me and warning people off me, to cover the church's back and to make out I have no right to bring these things up 'because they are in the past', while I am ill and in collapse these things are not in the past so stop judging me, Jane!
Glib answers on a postcard to God, Jane, when you get there, the non existant God will tell you about when he was on earth the pharisees judged the underdog too, and made them out to be liars and unwashed compared to their comfortable high standing abusers, and He will tell you that back then there were no mad autistics with computers!
May I re-iterate, I have had no communication from Philip about the complaint apart from being told of a meeting that I had already refused on the grounds of the hostile and wrong way I have been treated, I was not prepared to be attacked face to face, because an instantaneous suicide much too likely and I cannot risk harming other people by running in the road or similar.
Also, Key, who made it clear he supported the abusers, has not reached me with communication since his unhelpfulness in summer 2008, I have never seen any email communication from the other churches and do not go to or communicate with them, the way I have been treated with Jane Fisher's blessing is a disgrace, and previous to coming to Jersey I was NEVER shunned pastoral care in churches, I was drowned in pastoral care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And despite on or two hiccups I did not have the problems I have had here, one hiccup was indeed malcolm eastlake abusing children and my horror and the way Juliet said I would be judged the same as eastlake by God. Another was being overrun by too keen pastoral people with their own emotional needs and problems, but I made lasting friends AND LOVED worshipping, I remember joy and love, the evil emanating from st andrews and blowing over the whole community, the lies about me and the terrible behaviour of the leaders there, continues to choke me to death.
Jane, you are simply not to attack me again, you have stated you are my enemy and that if I returned to God you would back every badly behaved and criminal person in attacking and destroying me, that is fine, I am destroyed, I will not return to God, leave me alone. God is worth nothing if he is an excuse for every evil.
the only thing Philip has said about the church is to tell me about meeting with Jane Fisher, which made me angry as I have already refused a meeting with Jane Fisher as she has made it more than clear that she is against me on the side of Bob Key and his abuser friends and the churches who have treated me like dirt as a result of all this.
Philip has mentioned nothing else but the meeting he mentioned had already been refused, being verbally battered by Jane Fisher in this horrific state of mind has not been helpful, meeting with her to be verbally battered further would lead to me being hospitalised and if I was conscious the claustrophobia would leave me mad with terror as well.
I am disgusted with the way I have been treated by Ms. Fisher and the way she has made out I am to blame for things that I am not, that things that have happened have not, and the way she has made the people who have abused me and harrased me out to be 'christians who get things wrong' while my retaliations leading to me being in trouble as the church have done nothing but harm me, are met by Jane Fisher's response 'if you dont want to be arrested dont harass people', as my abusers harrass me and she describes this as 'we are just christians who get things wrong' and makes out I have not been mistreated and shunned because of rumours but because of my behaviour.
When I asked her to name a specific incident of my behaviour being not a reaction to people treating me like dirt for being abused, she replied with 'you are responsible for your reactions' firstly that is not an answer, secondly no, I am no longer responsible and in control after the way I have been destroyed by the church.
And since when were my abusers not responsible? for abusing me, for lying to the police, for maligning me to the point of me being driven from the church community and unable to believe in a God.
Apparently they are just christians who get things wrong, while I am a criminal to the point that Jane Fisher can justify everyone elses behaviour and condemn me, as she and Phil Warren condemn me, she tells me regarding my abuser that she 'can't judge'.
I am appalled at the way the church has behaved, especially the BBC cover up that left me severely harmed, and the fact that Bob Key was left unreprimanded for serious misconduct and Jane Fisher's comment on that was 'people get things wrong'.
People in a position Bob Key is in should not 'get things wrong' in that manner and to that extent, that would have meant Bob Key and Mike taylor protecting an abuser to go on running a church. And Jane Fisher does not say of me 'oh she got things wrong' she implies that I deserve everything I have got, to be in collapse and driven from church by the influence of my abusers and supporters, done for harrassment when Jane Fisher has evidence that I have been maligned by my abuser to cover up his behaviour when my 'harrassment' of my abuser was purely frustration and fury at being abused to the point of being seriously psychologically damaged (for example, my abuser regressed me, made me like a little child on daddy's knee, made me talk about rape and babies, left me regressed and shouted at and called a burden by his wife, threw me away when I spoke up) and then he lied, and he was the one in a position of influence and with Mike Taylor's backing, so I was the one shunned and refused pastoral care by what the samaritans call 'the fake christians of Jersey', Jane Fisher Makes out my abusers are 'christians who get things wrong, there was no hope whatsoever for my faith when I heard that, from the safeguarding officer attacking an abuse victim and leaving the samaritans to try to help, Jane Fisher and Phil Warren have no right to Judge me for bitterness, Phil Warren had never even spoken to me before his verbal attack, and I was certainly not displaying bitterness when I was merely asking for prayer for a friend, yet Jane Fisher makes out she does not judge when she has more than judged, she has condemned me.
I am unable to ever return to God, God is Jane Fisher and Phil Warren and my abusers, not the loving God who I adored before I me tthe grim St. andrews church and its male ego prayer control and the big four evangelical churches with their untruths and shunning.
This email will spark another nasty and unhelpful reply from Ms. fisher, a self righteous blanket condemnation and blame of me, a self righteous untrue 'Christian' based hammer blow to my non existant faith, sorry, I am not interested, Ms. Fisher, you have prioritised covering the church's back and condemning me and advocating for my abusers and Key who supports them and all the other wrongdoings of the church, and you have left me neither safeguarded nor included, according to you, my abusers who are still paraded as heros and overwhelmed with sympathy because of their lies and calling me a liar are still thus welcome in church, while I am driven out, and you pretend it is because of my 'behaviour' - so explain christianity to me, I am obviously not a 'christian who gets things wrong' in your eyes or the eyes of the church 'because of my behaviour' but a man who takes in an autistic person and makes out he and his wife are adopting her, but keeps it a secret, grooms and abuses this person while telling them he is healing her with God, plays her and his wife against each other, throws this person away as she speaks up, lies to his preist, his Dean and the police, leaves this person ill and destroyed and uses the fact that the church does nothing to him and his position in the church to malign his victim, has her in police trouble for retaliating, while he goes on maligning her and facing no police action though the safeguarding officer has evidence he is doing this and the safeguarding officer explains this as 'christians doing things wrong' while she slams the autistic victim who is in police trouble and very ill for reacting to terrible treatment from the church who she has asked for pastoral care and been shunned and let down repeatedly.
The safeguarding officer implies that someone who is autistic, ill, destraught, traumatised by last straw abuse on top of almost a lifetime of trauma and hugely let down by the church is worse than a sexual predator who preys on vulnerable people from the position of 'respected christian' in church leadership, and people in church pastoral teams who shun the victim on behalf of the abuser, and worse still launch verbal attacks on a victim in a pastoral situation when the victim is doing absolutley nothing to merit it, and the safeguarding officer tries to deny these things have happened and uses bitterness as an excuse to smash the victim for bringing the matter up, your safeguarding officer tries to say this is closed, and for someone who 'doesn't judge' she has no right to judge the matter closed when I brought it up simply to illustrate the point that that attack on me was nothing to do with my behaviour but to do with the way I was being maligned, as I was there for prayer and Phil Warren launched into a verbal attack nothing to do with my prayer request for an ill friend, he started by saying to me 'I have heard some of what has been happening at st andrews and it is to stop' I had not mentioned st andrews to him, and had no intention of doing so and this judgement against me which for some reason Ms. Fisher is determined to deny, illustrates a point and was not 'bringing up the past any more than Phil Warren was by apparently making out I was bitter when he had never spoken to me before, how Ms. fisher thinks she is in a position to condemn me for this awful attack on me I do not know, but Phil Warren's attack, where he trapped me and implied banning me is simply an example of the way I have been treated here over and over again and Jane Fisher tries to deny this, making a judgement where she has no right to.
The end result is Ms Fisher thinks she has effectively battered me into silence for the wrong I have suffered and covered up for the church misconduct and very unchristian and hypocritical behaviour at the expense of me, I doubt despite her preaching 'christian' and 'judgement' that ms Fisher can find anything in Jesus' teaching that backs up church cover ups and church excuses and battering an abuse victim into the ground for the sake of her abusers, I think Jesus anger at the pharisees would be Jesus' anger at the church of england for covering their backs and lying and sacrificing an abuse victim, no matter what the victim has done when her behaviour ( which is a disability) has gone out of control as a reaction, do you think Jesus taught batter someone who is ill and disabled? or help them? and not in the evangelical destroying miracles way that I have experienced in Jersey, where they make it your fault you have problems, as that is not Jesus, that is a form of destroyal that has added to all this. Jesus did not tell Jane Fisher to batter me into the ground and deny things that have happened to me, He did not say 'go ahead and drive Judith to death and make out she is whining, threaning or making it up' Jesus said love people, help people, be honest, be kind, I was not capapble of love or helping apart from volunteer work, which I loved, I was honest, and I wanted to be kind, but I am condemned and destroyed and drowing in incorrect and unfair judgements from Fisher, who makes out I am incorrect and judgemental, sorry, but Fisher cannot say Key just got things wrong' influenced by Taylor and the Avertys who he interviewed first - not just wrong, misconduct- he did not give me a fair hearing, and was asked to communicate through Philip LeClaire, who never passed on what Key said, or anything the church said, I have heard nothing from Key since summer last year, and while Jane Fisher has been unhelpful and hostile and made the glib God excuses that send my faith beyond repair ( stating that abuse is Christian, just as some people at st catherines did of maslcolm eastlake, does not leave any hope for my faith) abuse and christianity do not go together even if the church of england wants them to, and condemning me for reacting when I am so severely damaged that I have no hope or future, is surely not what this hostile safeguarding officer should be doing.
I may be able to write for hours but nothing I can write begins to express my horror at the way I have been treated by the church of england and the way the matter has been left with Jane Fisher who supports Key and my abusers against me, and would rather see me have a criminal record for retaliating to her 'christian' abuser friends than accept the fact that my abusers and Key who supports them have caused me harm in the church community by maligning me, a criminal act equal to what I was doing in reacting in fury to the church and the BBC who supported the church, I was unaware that what I was doing was criminal, but not able to get any support for my failing help, and ratehr being shunned from church support, until the point where st Matthews prayer team (bless them) stepped in too late, and genuinelytried, I truly have nothing but praise for them and think they are outstanding, but I was simply no longer able to accept 'God help' after th way I had been condemned.
so, Jane Fisher justifies leaving this sorry mess in a sorry mess and having left my abusers in charge for long enough for their lies, coupled with their smooth pretence (oh he is good at this, he pretended he was sacked from st pauls by mistake and they forgave him) of compassion and forgiveness, coupled with them calling me a liar in the street in front of others, funny this christianity, allows some people to behave as they like and they are 'forgiven' and christians' while their victims are neither forgiven nor allowed to receive pastoral care or allowed to be 'christians' who can do as they like to people because they are forgiven, no, I am not 'forgiven' by Jane Fisher for being disabled destroyed and a victim of abuse, lies and shunning, it is not in her v ersion of christianity, just forgiving abusers and people who support them by shunning me and warning people off me, to cover the church's back and to make out I have no right to bring these things up 'because they are in the past', while I am ill and in collapse these things are not in the past so stop judging me, Jane!
Glib answers on a postcard to God, Jane, when you get there, the non existant God will tell you about when he was on earth the pharisees judged the underdog too, and made them out to be liars and unwashed compared to their comfortable high standing abusers, and He will tell you that back then there were no mad autistics with computers!
May I re-iterate, I have had no communication from Philip about the complaint apart from being told of a meeting that I had already refused on the grounds of the hostile and wrong way I have been treated, I was not prepared to be attacked face to face, because an instantaneous suicide much too likely and I cannot risk harming other people by running in the road or similar.
Also, Key, who made it clear he supported the abusers, has not reached me with communication since his unhelpfulness in summer 2008, I have never seen any email communication from the other churches and do not go to or communicate with them, the way I have been treated with Jane Fisher's blessing is a disgrace, and previous to coming to Jersey I was NEVER shunned pastoral care in churches, I was drowned in pastoral care!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And despite on or two hiccups I did not have the problems I have had here, one hiccup was indeed malcolm eastlake abusing children and my horror and the way Juliet said I would be judged the same as eastlake by God. Another was being overrun by too keen pastoral people with their own emotional needs and problems, but I made lasting friends AND LOVED worshipping, I remember joy and love, the evil emanating from st andrews and blowing over the whole community, the lies about me and the terrible behaviour of the leaders there, continues to choke me to death.
Jane, you are simply not to attack me again, you have stated you are my enemy and that if I returned to God you would back every badly behaved and criminal person in attacking and destroying me, that is fine, I am destroyed, I will not return to God, leave me alone. God is worth nothing if he is an excuse for every evil.
Sent: Monday, 29 March 2010 10:09
To: Jane Fisher
Subject: RE:
Subject: RE:
I am not well enough and doubt I ever will be to deal with 'not agreeing on things' with you, because it basically means you are going to smash me down and call me a liar again, what happened to me happened, at St. Matthews, at St. Appaulings, and Satandrews, and St OUens, you were not on th ground here and do not see the links between people or witness what has gone on, what has happened has happened and is wrong, and I refuse to accept you attacking me by 'not agreeing'
I do not want to hear your opinionof this, I already have a criminal and psychiatric record that means I will be in danger for the rest of my life and will never feel safe or worthwhile, and so I want to die, you ave played a huge part in that so I do not want you to restart this cycle of distress and dispair, I will not be able to live with the distress and dispair forever,
if you want disagreements then go and tell the Archbishop how the church left me all that time with no support whatsoever after I was molested an abused by people who had been moved on from another church and allowed back in authority, tell him how the church ATTACKED ME, tell him what happened a year ago, tell him exactly what you said to me that seriously seriously harmed me,
I am having great fun talking to you, one of the most harmful and cold people I have ever met, and pretending to be a good girl for a church and a person who cannot mean anything to me in reality because ofwhat those other churches did while you happily denied it. It Did Happen!
you want to try and make me agree to disagree about St. Pauls, I gather, sorry, I am not playing, because if I do bend to your view then I will be a liar, if I say they did not hurt me and behave as they did, I will be a liar, and you may have been given the impression that what happened did not, or yo may be lying outright, but it makes me fuious to be called a liar for what did happen, and that is what you are doing, and especially after the way you have behaved to me in the position you are in, it is outrageous for you to make out that what happened did not, it is as outrageous as makingout that the man who molested me, brainfucked me and lied his way out of conviction and caused me to become a criminal is a 'Christian who got things wrong'
you cannot imagine the fury and dispair I feel at your ongoing support of the badly behaved people at those churches.
I have not believed you to be on my side, and though I am autistic I am not stupid, I do know your bit about 'not agreeing' is you continuing your wicked church cover up.
It may have been taken down now but the notice in St. Appaullings about 'how to deal with people with mental illness' was a testimony to that church and their attitude, and the former church secretary told me about Paul Brooks having problems with people with mental illness, funny how you can make judgements the way you do, maybe you should just check in the Bible about all this.
And yes, Phil Warren did verbally attack me and trap me, as he leaned in and tried to make out I was threatening him for telling him not to get involved as he picked an unprovoked quarrel, his behaviour was both deeply innapropriate for helping me, certainly not explained to me as help, and was a threat to ban me, it is pure wickedness of you to try and make out that what has happened did not, and is what I mean about m abusers being victorious, they are, I am a criminal who has suffered brutal police action with repeatedly no ppropriate adult, my abusers and Satan's priest have used people in other churche against me and both they and these people have got away with it, and in the end here are you still calling me a liar,
it is an utter disgrace,
you think I am just fine now, in the end at St. Clements, I am not, and am not going to be, I have a plan of action re legal action and then I will leave this world and your and the lying unpunished church behind and go to oblivion, as my poor dad did after a life of devotion to his God.
This is why I surrendered St. Clements and Tracy to you, you have shown me by this email defending the disgusting behaviour of St. Pauls that nothing has or will be done about my complaint about the way church leaders and people have treated me, so what can you tell me about my abusers? dont answer that, I see they are ok, I see they are free and I am a criminl with massive trauma from the police action and my abusers are thanking you deeply for helping with that.
you wicked person, you have simply been waiting to smash me by reminding me that you have advocated for these badly behaved church people,
you really thought I would let you use Tracy and get your meeting, and your apology that blames me is quite funny considering that you ar still defending Key, Taylor, Brooks and Warren.
you are never getting that meeting, you have already very loudly declared vctory for the abusers, shouted it out so I am still spat on and I am a criminal, I will never recover, nor can I be part of the chuch community, because you have declared victory for the liars in St. Pauls, Satandrews, St. Matthews and for the Dean who behaved disgracefully, and the way Tracy is 'keeping an eye on me is scaring me. God no, you will never get your meeting, you have absolutely destroyed me by making my truth a lie and helping my abusers to get me a record, understand that you by defending these liars are basically having me killed, I cannot hold my head up, I cannot love God, and in the loveless world I have lived in fr too long, God was my love. Tracy wont bring God back by 'keeping an eye on me' or making me stare at nature things, I dont really like it, God is not in St. Clems, it is just nice people and soothing, God is not in me, God is not in the church, God will returnb in Glory when you undo this injustice and stop saying 'liar' by subtly going on about disagreeing, you are not going to meet with me until the Bishop takes my complaint about the churches and leaders here seriously.
WHAT I HAVE SAID HAPPENED, YOU ARE CAUSING ME MASSIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL HARM BY IMPLYING THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TRY AND SAY IT DID NOT BY 'SAYING THINGS WE DISAGREE N' IT IS WICKEDNESS, AND EVERY TIME YOU DO IT T IS A NAIL MY COFFIN, AND I DO NOT RECOVER, I AM A CRIMINAL WHO HAS BEEN TOLD BY ST PAULS AND ST MATTHEWS THAT I AM TROUBLE, I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SATANDREWS I AM WORTHLESS, I AM A CRIMINAL BECAUSE YOUR LYING ABUSER FRIENDS ARE CHRISTIANS WHO GET THINGS WRONG AND I AM NOT, YOU HAVE SAID I DESERVE A RECORD - AND MY ABUSER DOES NOT???YOU WICKED WOMAN, I WANT THE BISHOP TO DEAL WITH MY COMPLAINT ABOUT CHURCH LEADERS!
i think you would explain the fact that Mike Taylor was involved the way he was and my buser kept going to get mike taylor as a witness by calling me a liar. Terrible. terrible, and where is God, and you apologised to me, three months after my plan to leave my own body in the Avertys garden on Christmas day was changed by being admitted to emergency care.
you didn't apologise before then, you simply smashed and smashed a distressed autistic person until she went out of her mind, and became a criminal, you haven't smashed those church leaders, making the excuse that I am autistic and have misunderstood is too easy but is very very wrong indeed, I was there, I was there through Phil Warren's attack, I was there through the Taylor's support of the abusers and their allying with St. Pauls I was there when those readers and priests behaved as they did, I was there, you were not, and these people with their twisted faith, can explain anything away to save their skin but that does not make it truthful or make the God of the Bible approve.
I cannot believe I have let you get at me and call me a liar over this again.
The despair I feel because of your latest attack is overwhelming, because you have won for those liars and as well as you happily making me a criminal, you have ensured I cannot return to the church community, you are powerful enough to have judged against me, condem,ned me to death, and you have done so.
Tracy was not a strong enough link, I did not ask her to change from a casual friend to a 'keep an eye on Judith for the fisher and the bastard Dean' and I no longer want it, ok Fisher, you have won, from today I have left the church of england forever, I am a criminal because the safeguarding officer would not stop goading me, I am a criminal who has suffered brutal terrifying and incorrect police behaviour, I am traumatised beyond repair, there is no hope, I have built placebo hopes because my body has refused to die, I pretend, for whom? I do not know any more, Tracy? she is too fragile for this tragedy, it is really hard to know how to not hurt her, she is stron in God and I hope she will understand that for me, my death and escape from your and the lying church's condemnatin is truly the right thing and overdue, my distress and flashbacks are as bad as a nasty cancer, I have no wish to go on living with this pain.
fleetingly I thought you were genuine, but inside I know that someone cannot go from being as vicious as you were to helping me and being nice, I think I said so.
It is wickedness what you have done, your support of this terrible church against me.
Pray again for my dath and I will say goodbye to Tracy. Understand that you will not prevent what I am going to do, you cannot.
I do not want to hear your opinionof this, I already have a criminal and psychiatric record that means I will be in danger for the rest of my life and will never feel safe or worthwhile, and so I want to die, you ave played a huge part in that so I do not want you to restart this cycle of distress and dispair, I will not be able to live with the distress and dispair forever,
if you want disagreements then go and tell the Archbishop how the church left me all that time with no support whatsoever after I was molested an abused by people who had been moved on from another church and allowed back in authority, tell him how the church ATTACKED ME, tell him what happened a year ago, tell him exactly what you said to me that seriously seriously harmed me,
I am having great fun talking to you, one of the most harmful and cold people I have ever met, and pretending to be a good girl for a church and a person who cannot mean anything to me in reality because ofwhat those other churches did while you happily denied it. It Did Happen!
you want to try and make me agree to disagree about St. Pauls, I gather, sorry, I am not playing, because if I do bend to your view then I will be a liar, if I say they did not hurt me and behave as they did, I will be a liar, and you may have been given the impression that what happened did not, or yo may be lying outright, but it makes me fuious to be called a liar for what did happen, and that is what you are doing, and especially after the way you have behaved to me in the position you are in, it is outrageous for you to make out that what happened did not, it is as outrageous as makingout that the man who molested me, brainfucked me and lied his way out of conviction and caused me to become a criminal is a 'Christian who got things wrong'
you cannot imagine the fury and dispair I feel at your ongoing support of the badly behaved people at those churches.
I have not believed you to be on my side, and though I am autistic I am not stupid, I do know your bit about 'not agreeing' is you continuing your wicked church cover up.
It may have been taken down now but the notice in St. Appaullings about 'how to deal with people with mental illness' was a testimony to that church and their attitude, and the former church secretary told me about Paul Brooks having problems with people with mental illness, funny how you can make judgements the way you do, maybe you should just check in the Bible about all this.
And yes, Phil Warren did verbally attack me and trap me, as he leaned in and tried to make out I was threatening him for telling him not to get involved as he picked an unprovoked quarrel, his behaviour was both deeply innapropriate for helping me, certainly not explained to me as help, and was a threat to ban me, it is pure wickedness of you to try and make out that what has happened did not, and is what I mean about m abusers being victorious, they are, I am a criminal who has suffered brutal police action with repeatedly no ppropriate adult, my abusers and Satan's priest have used people in other churche against me and both they and these people have got away with it, and in the end here are you still calling me a liar,
it is an utter disgrace,
you think I am just fine now, in the end at St. Clements, I am not, and am not going to be, I have a plan of action re legal action and then I will leave this world and your and the lying unpunished church behind and go to oblivion, as my poor dad did after a life of devotion to his God.
This is why I surrendered St. Clements and Tracy to you, you have shown me by this email defending the disgusting behaviour of St. Pauls that nothing has or will be done about my complaint about the way church leaders and people have treated me, so what can you tell me about my abusers? dont answer that, I see they are ok, I see they are free and I am a criminl with massive trauma from the police action and my abusers are thanking you deeply for helping with that.
you wicked person, you have simply been waiting to smash me by reminding me that you have advocated for these badly behaved church people,
you really thought I would let you use Tracy and get your meeting, and your apology that blames me is quite funny considering that you ar still defending Key, Taylor, Brooks and Warren.
you are never getting that meeting, you have already very loudly declared vctory for the abusers, shouted it out so I am still spat on and I am a criminal, I will never recover, nor can I be part of the chuch community, because you have declared victory for the liars in St. Pauls, Satandrews, St. Matthews and for the Dean who behaved disgracefully, and the way Tracy is 'keeping an eye on me is scaring me. God no, you will never get your meeting, you have absolutely destroyed me by making my truth a lie and helping my abusers to get me a record, understand that you by defending these liars are basically having me killed, I cannot hold my head up, I cannot love God, and in the loveless world I have lived in fr too long, God was my love. Tracy wont bring God back by 'keeping an eye on me' or making me stare at nature things, I dont really like it, God is not in St. Clems, it is just nice people and soothing, God is not in me, God is not in the church, God will returnb in Glory when you undo this injustice and stop saying 'liar' by subtly going on about disagreeing, you are not going to meet with me until the Bishop takes my complaint about the churches and leaders here seriously.
WHAT I HAVE SAID HAPPENED, YOU ARE CAUSING ME MASSIVE PSYCHOLOGICAL HARM BY IMPLYING THAT YOU ARE GOING TO TRY AND SAY IT DID NOT BY 'SAYING THINGS WE DISAGREE N' IT IS WICKEDNESS, AND EVERY TIME YOU DO IT T IS A NAIL MY COFFIN, AND I DO NOT RECOVER, I AM A CRIMINAL WHO HAS BEEN TOLD BY ST PAULS AND ST MATTHEWS THAT I AM TROUBLE, I HAVE BEEN TOLD BY SATANDREWS I AM WORTHLESS, I AM A CRIMINAL BECAUSE YOUR LYING ABUSER FRIENDS ARE CHRISTIANS WHO GET THINGS WRONG AND I AM NOT, YOU HAVE SAID I DESERVE A RECORD - AND MY ABUSER DOES NOT???YOU WICKED WOMAN, I WANT THE BISHOP TO DEAL WITH MY COMPLAINT ABOUT CHURCH LEADERS!
i think you would explain the fact that Mike Taylor was involved the way he was and my buser kept going to get mike taylor as a witness by calling me a liar. Terrible. terrible, and where is God, and you apologised to me, three months after my plan to leave my own body in the Avertys garden on Christmas day was changed by being admitted to emergency care.
you didn't apologise before then, you simply smashed and smashed a distressed autistic person until she went out of her mind, and became a criminal, you haven't smashed those church leaders, making the excuse that I am autistic and have misunderstood is too easy but is very very wrong indeed, I was there, I was there through Phil Warren's attack, I was there through the Taylor's support of the abusers and their allying with St. Pauls I was there when those readers and priests behaved as they did, I was there, you were not, and these people with their twisted faith, can explain anything away to save their skin but that does not make it truthful or make the God of the Bible approve.
I cannot believe I have let you get at me and call me a liar over this again.
The despair I feel because of your latest attack is overwhelming, because you have won for those liars and as well as you happily making me a criminal, you have ensured I cannot return to the church community, you are powerful enough to have judged against me, condem,ned me to death, and you have done so.
Tracy was not a strong enough link, I did not ask her to change from a casual friend to a 'keep an eye on Judith for the fisher and the bastard Dean' and I no longer want it, ok Fisher, you have won, from today I have left the church of england forever, I am a criminal because the safeguarding officer would not stop goading me, I am a criminal who has suffered brutal terrifying and incorrect police behaviour, I am traumatised beyond repair, there is no hope, I have built placebo hopes because my body has refused to die, I pretend, for whom? I do not know any more, Tracy? she is too fragile for this tragedy, it is really hard to know how to not hurt her, she is stron in God and I hope she will understand that for me, my death and escape from your and the lying church's condemnatin is truly the right thing and overdue, my distress and flashbacks are as bad as a nasty cancer, I have no wish to go on living with this pain.
fleetingly I thought you were genuine, but inside I know that someone cannot go from being as vicious as you were to helping me and being nice, I think I said so.
It is wickedness what you have done, your support of this terrible church against me.
Pray again for my dath and I will say goodbye to Tracy. Understand that you will not prevent what I am going to do, you cannot.
