Additional Evidence

This is the additional Evidence Blog that is linked to the Anything and Everything blog.
The reason for this is that the Anything and Everything Blog is going to get choked with Jersey emails and Statements otherwise, so this blog is for emails and Statements not posted on Anything and Everything.
That way I can continue to tell my story on that blog with extra evidence on here


Be aware that thiswill be disturbing and traumatic reading. Do not read it if it upsets you.
As ever, I am changing or omitting names as necessary.

I will post some of the many churchwarden statements on here, but not in order.
I felt like I was on trial all the time, with JM, who had always been one for false accusations and judgements, joining forces with the Dean and the Churchwarden couple and Warrens and Lihous.
Instead of abuse being investigated, they collectively tried to damn me to drown out the abuse and their own behaviours.

Thursday, 27 March 2014

Angrier and angrier -Jane Fisher had tried to refer me back to the Dean and wasn't doing anything about my complaint, she said she knew what EY was going round saying, but she would see him in 6 weeks and tell him to stop!

From:***** ***** (***************@hotmail.co.uk)
Sent:11 August 2009 16:26:47
To: jane.fisher@winchester.anglican.org
I am really not going to shut up until something is done about all this.
you tried to tell me Key was neutral, so why are my abusers spending time with him and smugly strutting about and calling me a liar,
you tried to get me to meet with Key so that he could laugh at me before letting my abusers off,
now I want something done about Key, and ******, and my abusers

Part of my distressed conversations with my friend (now deceased and died stranged from me by the Diocese)

****** *****
25/06/2010
To: Anne ******
Hi Anne,
I didn't mean to worry you with any of this,
of course you can't come to Jersey,

The depth to which I have been condemned is serious, and JM is backing the condemnation up,
I really dont feel able to go on.

haha, maybe I have morning sickness as well, would have to call the baby Jesus.

The last thing I wanted to do was let you know how bad things are in my life.
I have been told I am a serial liar and troublemaker,

The things I have been accused of lying about I have not lied about,
my crime is being autistic and not knowing how to live in a grim adult world when I am like a child.
I am not malicious but I am being told I am,
and I am in despair.

I hope that you feel better soon.

I cannot think about sailing or anything, I am too confused and ill.
I didn't even remember to go to college last night.


*****

25/06/2010

To: ****** ******
Dear *******

How are you today? I wish there was some way that I could help you - if there was I would do so. If I were well enough I would come over to Jersey and be with you but I am not coping very well myself at the moment. There's no way I could cope with the journey. I just want to hug you and persuade you to think about living instead of dieing because that would make me very sad. You are a very worthwhile person and good at your job. Your employers obviously think a lot of you and the plants cannot manage to survive without your tender loving care. Just think about enjoying the sunshine and the prospect of some sailing at the weekend - forget about all those people who have caused grief in your life - easier said than done but we have to do that sometimes - just cut people out of our lives altogether if they upset us.
*** has gone off to do the shopping and I must get showered and dressed before he gets back. I felt sick this morning - whoops! morning sickness - but It is impossible for me to be pregnant for a number of reasons. I haven't had anything much to eat but, like you, I don't really fancy anything. They are starting me on some different medication so perhaps that will do the trick.
Please take care of yourself,
Love  A 

The response to Jane Fisher trying to make me meet with the Dean again in 2009 and claiming he was neutral as shown on the 'Anything and Everything' blog

The Dean had been so obstructive, to me and to Philip who was kindly helping me, he had made it very clear who's side he was on, and furthermore was regularly seen in the company of the ******s. I referred to **** by his surname throughout this email, hence the extra stars. I have removed and redacted names but left the rest of the text intact because I am honest.


From: *******@hotmail.co.uk
To: jane.fisher@winchester.anglican.org
CC: deanofjersey@gov.je; helen.gunner@dsl.pipex.com; joyce.cockell@dsl.pipex.com; martyn.sanders@dsl.pipex.com; p.leclaire@autismjersey.org
Subject:
Date: Sat, 7 Mar 2009 14:29:56 +0000

Hello,
It is a miscarriage of justice if the Dean of Jersey is involved in any way in this complaint after the way he treated me, I am absolutely horrified to hear that he is involved after the way he treated me and now he appears to be the one who will delightedly 'make the decision' to let dirty ***** off, after months of me waiting while dirty ***** and wife are allowed to go on running a church and therfore having the credibility to openly call me a liar, which they have.

Months and months where my health and patience have deteriorated and*****  has been left to call me a liar and then I get threatened with a meeting with Bigot Key who left me frightened and distressed by his attitude. The Bishops office seem to have done about as much as their non existant God, who I now hate with all my heart, is it possible to hate a nonexistant God?

I loved this God who has shown no sign of existing all my life, aint it ironic, like Bigot Key's load of waffle about protecting vulnerable in the JEP faith column last night, how has Key protected me by spitting on me with contempt and leaving me suffering? if I had not gone to the Bishop's office and got support, Key would have just walked away from the complaint without looking back. And now I realise that even the Bishop's office are going to do nothing, after all this time.

Why is dirty ***** running a church, and he is, dont fob me off, **** ***** sacked *****when ***** tried to take over St. Pauls, but ***** is a lazy sod who can neither preach nor lead, hence being happy to hand over to '****************' *****. (The redacted text is not abusive)

And months after the complaint was made, ***** is still in charge, hence being credible in him calling me a liar to people in church, and he and his wife generally saying terrible things to people who ask them why I have gone and wont speak to St. A's people. Not really right is it? Not really right that ***** who now has a mark on his enhanced CRB check is running a church with vulnerable people in it and the longer the church let him, the more likely he is to find another victim, and he is a clever man, who will find a way to harm someone else without being caught, he has done me massive harm.

The appeal to the Archbishop's office will take a rainforest's worth of paper.

Meanwhile I am refusing any further correspondence from the Bishop's office, I will no doubt see the result of the complaint in *****'s laughter, if Key gets his way or otherwise, but I think breaking *****'s nose may stop him laughing at least temporarily, I have already been locked up once for ******s crimes, (see police complaints email on Anything and Everything blog) thanks to the Bishops office doing as much as their God has done, another spell in the cells doesn't bother me, it wont be long before Key delightedly gets to do the last rites on me, ie spitting on my body and throwing it in the nearest dustbin. (Bob Key had made his stance very clear indeed, and this was before the time he called me wicked and said I wasn't abused, and I was in a state of severe collapse by now).

If you think I will even be in the same room as that man while I am alive, you are mistaken, no amount of lawyers makes his attitude to me acceptable, talking about a meeting with him is a sick, sick joke.

****** ******

Wednesday, 26 March 2014

sadly I was incorrect about getting my side heard by court and police -when I mention trauma beyond help, that was a correct diagnosis, it is possible for trauma to be too severe for therapy and for two years it was.


To: jane.fisher@winchester.anglican.org; Michael.scott-joynt@dsl.pipex.com

Cc: lay.assistant@winchester.anglican.org; joyce.cockell@winchester.anglican.org; jax.machin@btinternet.com; tracylecouteur@hotmail.com; helen.gunner@winchester.anglican.org
 14.02.2011
 


ms fisher/mr scott-joynt,

  I do not open the file with your emails in
I have been waiting for a police attack since you provoked me at romsey
I have continued to suffer your intervention in my life since asking you repeatedly to refrain

I live in fear
I am unable to access any help anywhere as I am afraid of your intervention and know your ability to intervene and make it look as if you are helping is tremendous

I continue to suffer trauma over your actions in Jersey against me
and that will be for the rest of my life

if you have anything to say
phone me

your intervention more recently where you tried to force something on me about Anne
was shocking and sickening

you ignore me when I say NO!
you ignore my feelings
as you always have

and my life since you destroyed me
has been about your continued attacks by intervention
your continued shaming and humiliating of me
and my attempts to escape you

if you want to force anything on me now
do it through the police
and this time I will ensure that my side is heard
and that the diocesan cover up is blown  to smithereens
and that you are not able to simply have me detained, beaten up and thrown in court to listen to lies against me with me unable to defend myself

I am at the end of my tether with the way you have treated me and tried to force your side on me
that you have only helped me
because you are condemning me and my integrity by doing so

I know you haven't only helped me
because I am the one who experienced your defence of Phil Warren in one of the most notcable attacks in support of the abusers that there was
because warren is a christian of sorts
he actuallly cam eout in the open with the undercover condemnation that went on in those churches
and you smashed me down by telling me it was me and my fault
and that it was about me being bitter,
to whom, you never explained
and why I should be trapped and condemned and threatened with banning
when asking for prayer for a very ill friend
I have never known
but you continued in that vein and included st ***** shunning of me in your condemnation of me
blaming me
and so it continued
with no support being provided
not in the horrendously wicked church BBC attack
with the church hijack of the BBC and the use of the BBC reporter to cvondemn anhd threaten me for Key

yes my autistic distress and anger became uncontrollable
I was badly damaged by being regressed, rejected, thrown away,
and you added to it by your condemnation
which not only broke communication between us
but when you started using Philip LeClaire
it broke my trust for him,
and you didn't stop there,

how do you explain  the difference between my calm and safe and trusting relationship with **** and St. ****s before the intervention
and the destroyal of me where you used **** and she tried to make me out to be ill and a liar in the end?

in the end you have condemned me
you have condemned my life
and told me right from when you started your condemnation
that my integrity and life
were worthless

now my life is worthless beyond anything
as your condemnation continues
as your interference provokes and anguishes me
as the Bishop treats me as coldly as he did before that meeting
because you had the influence
to deny what had happened to me
and safeguard those people who harmed me

and I lived through that harm
and you denying it
and having me convicted
took my life

there is nothing left
this nothingness is death

so I do not care wha this email that starts off about listening says.
if you have anything to say, say it through the police and do so with the integrity to also tell them about your intervention in my life since having me convicted and despite my please for you to stop!

If you had not continued this intervention, including illegal intervention in my use of the homeless services,
I would not have been in contact with you,
as you know, your and Lou Scott-Joynt's early interventions which damaged and destroyed my friendships here so I had no comfort at all to return to,
were met by me asking the police to ask you to stop harassing me.
but sadly for me, the depth of the violation you bestowed upon me through your intervention in the homeless services, and the depth of the wrong and humiliating way that *** ***** forced your intervention and incorrect statement about why I left the nightshelter and his assumption that he was going to dump me back there, has led to me being on constant watch for your interventions which have continued, and left me in fear of police attacks for continueing to contact you and ask when the next attack is
And since the Romsey attack, your violation of me and contempt for my feelings and the way you are continuing to cause me problems in the community here, continues to provoke my questions to you regarding the next attack or when your next police attack will be, especially considering the severity and continuity of the police attacks last year as I broke down in distress, had a breakdown, was driven from my home, lost my car and half my livelihood, and all because you did not want to deal with my complaint.

I am suffering massive trauma, of which there is no therapy that is effective to help, no comforting friends to turn to after you intervened, no one in this world who can ease this pain, and I contact you to ask when the police attack is
because I am autistic and try as I may, I do not understand what you have done to me, or the extreme cruelty of it, or your refusal to recognise what has happened to me, or your punishment of me and not my oppressors, or your continued singleminded intervention that has driven me further and further into this hopeless collapse,

I think the biggest thing of all that tells me that there is nothing left to live for, is the way you cover up, the way that you say something and then say you have not, the way you cover your backs, the way my feelings and what happened to me are irrelevant as long as you make yourselves free from responsibility, you, the church, the head of the church, representing God, you have condemned me with these such actions, and while you have done this and because you represent God, have done it in His Name, and continue to do it, you have condemned me.

The Keys continued the support of the abusers, and condemned me as wicked and said I was not abused, you not only allowed that and their collaberation with *****, but you allowed them to collectively condemn me and free the abusers including **** ***** from responsibility, at my expense, fisher who had evidence that my abuser was provoking me by saying he had been cleared, going round the evangelical cult churches in Jersey saying it, would not give that evidence to a lawyer for me,
and yet she supported Key, who supported the abuser in doing that, in getting me convicted,
this makes my life of no worth, I was not safeguarded, I was not helped by the diocese,
I was condemned,
to death and hell,
and am already experiencing both death and hell.

so say it through the police, fisher, say it through the police,
and this time explain to them what you have really done to me
instead of lying about helping me
tell them about the seriousness of how you have intervened in the Nightshelter and used *** ***** to jeer that back to me,
tell them that I am on the streets suffering severe trauma and having to watch my back all the time due to your interference
and tell them that my aim in contacting you,
is to try and get you off my back
and to try and find out what your next move is
and to ask when the next police attack is because of me contacting you to try and find out what you are going to do to me next.

You dont care

so dont pretend to

how can you pretend to be helping me and send me some cold email
about listening
what it says I do not know
the way it is written is obviously another cold denial
I cannot read the full title
so I have not
you have not and are not helping me,
no sane person can believe that you destroying me in the way that you have,
and covering your backs at my expense
condemning me
has helped me
my sin is anger, is foul language
when I am hurting beyond bearing
and you consider that a worse sin than your clergy aiding and abetting people who sexually abuse
in covering their actions and blaming me
harming my life irreparably
there is nothing anyone can ever say, do or pray
that will take away the permenant and complete destroyal of my life
and when I talk of death it is because that is what I want
just as **** ****'s mother did after ****'s father died, she waited 8years to die,
and was not convicted of mental illness
nor was my dad in his last year of life when h
I have been waiting since August last year
because in many people, life gets to a point where you are waiting to die
and in my case my life is completely and utterly destroyed beyond any use, worth or hope,
so I am waiting
and expecting you to attack and hasten that longed for death,
because even in the years before August last year, where I was driven to try suicide
life was not of good quality
the high functioning autism angered many people who simply didn't understand
and I could not change that however hard I tried
nor could I look after myself and earn a living properly
nor get the treatment I needed
nor manage money
I struggled and the struggles got harder
as people intervened in my life
to medicate their own emotional problems
***** explained thats why George and Jill got overinvolved
and thats why that hypochondriac emotianally ill couple got involved
and microwaved my playmate
and gave me all the symptoms they could think of
to ensure I would be like them
which made me very sick and distressed
In both the above cases,
I ended those relationships
and in *****'s case
I fled from her
she tried to bring me back
and then intervened in Satandrews and the abusers
telling me I was the one in the wrong, accusing me of stealing,
and supporting them while condemning me
saying I maliciously report people
even though I never reported **** to fisher
until I knew that the dialogue between the keys, the abuser and ***** was in danger of letting the abusers off as innocent
nor did I report George
because I do not report people for abuse unless they do it
I do not understand the terrible way the diocese have treated me
all I know
and all I ever know is that I am condemned
by the Bishop
by the church
and when you think that God was my everything
because I had no family no one
and couldn't build friendships
because of the autism
but I could have a relationship with God
and he would not sexuallly abuse me or go by the church ostracization of vulnerable people rules
and now the diocese have condemned me before God
I have nothing left but death.
God din't need a chaperone when he spoke to me
He was one who I spoke to every time I was alone,
God
the diocese have condemned me
and I ask in Your Name Father God and Lord Jesus,
for my death.
This was an email I sent to Fisher and Scott-Joynt and people they had involved just an hour or less before they had me brutalized in public and in front of my fellow homeless and left even more traumatized and even more living dead.
Bob Hill refuses to recognize this incident at all, but it was the result of me fighting for justice and to be safe from the diocese, who gave their side, tried and failed to have me put away and left me with psychological injury that a therapist can't get near healing because I go into shock each time.
JM is frequently mentioned, as is her usband, but I am reluctant to initial names in this email and blanked them instead. 

Sunday, 23 March 2014

08/04/2009 - Shortly before I had a stress breakdown which contibuted to the ongoing events

Hello,
I haven't heard anything from BBC Jersey, I think someone from the church would have silenced them.
I really want something done, because my abusers are up at that church leading a holy head bowed meeting and that is so wrong.

I feel like doing violence in order to get the church to see it was wrong to keep leaving the matter, because thay are not making arrangements for the meeting with the police that they said they would and the thought of seeing the police again and being in the police station makes me sick and I am shaking and feeling sick but knowing the Bishops office are pretending, and I will have to do something drastic because my life is so damaged and I just want my abusers stopped from running a church.

 

******

statement 1 of many in random order



This is a very very small extract from my statements, there are hundreds of pages worth as this has been a very complicated case. There is much much more to this than I have collated here, but my resources are limited and no one has time to read the full statement, even though letting anyone see a limited amount gives Ey an advantage. Bringing a complaint against Ey has added to the devastation that he and Ey’s wife did to my life,  but I think people need to know so that it doesn’t happen again.
Ey ‘adopted me’ though not legally, and he regressed me so I was like a child with him, he then launched a massive project emotional and sexual abuse against me, while being a ‘good father’ and blaming me for my reaction of pain, anger, confusion and depression.

What else happened:

Many times Ey sat me on his knees in his home office, he rested his head against me and told me about marriage and married people enjoying each others bodies, he told me that he had to make an effort to love his wife after all these years. He told me about the girls on walk Cumbria who he talked to about married people enjoying each others bodies, he told me about people at work who he talked to about sex, he told me about one girl who was ‘good’ because she didn’t sleep with her boyfriend till they were married and one girl who became a Christian and refused to sleep with her boyfriend until he married her Ey said the girl said it was the longest 3 months of her life before her boyfriend married her.

Ey said to me ‘you like us talking about these things when we are warm and close like this, don’t you?’
I liked being cuddled by Daddy and I wanted daddy to know that I wasn’t embarrassed by, or interested in, sex.
One time on Daddy’s knee:
Ey: ‘Sex is better without the Duvet in the way, you can get much closer together without the duvet in the way’
me: ‘you are just an old man’.
 I climbed off his knee.
Ey was laughing like mad, so I walked away, I went to talk to Ey’s wife and tell her some other things that Ey had said, nothing to do with sex.
Later Ey called me to him, ‘you didn’t tell ***** what I said about the duvet did you? She would be so embarrased’.
‘No, I didn’t’

It  was around this time that Ey asked me if I’d been raped, I was very ashamed and hid from him, Ey came after me and persisted in asking, he hugged me and told me that it made him love me even more. He told me that he’d heard that women felt dirty and ashamed when they’d been raped, he wanted to know if I’d had a child by the rapist.
It started a very turbulent time of flashbacks that made Ey’s wife angry again.
Ey continued the questions and the physical affection.

He would tell me to lie down and would pin me against the sofa, how? With me lying down, he used the top half of his body only (good for him!) or it would have been serious, he hugged me against the sofa and made movements that could be described as sexual, one time he did this he kissed my neck, and most times he said ‘you like that, you love your daddy don’t you? He tended to do this when Ey’s wife had gone upstairs because she tended to go upstairs first in the evening and have a bath then go to bed, he did this possibly five or six times, two of the times were when I had been away in England and came back, one time he was not quite pinning me but was half over me on the sofa with his arms either side of me when Ey’s wife walked in, he said to me ‘you are very daughterish’,  and removed himself,
‘heydaddy’.
Ey’s wife didn’t say anything.
He also took to pulling me onto his lap in the front room when Ey’s wife had gone upstairs, in the end I didn’t sit alone with Ey in when Ey’s wife had gone upstairs, but Ey would kiss me on the lips goodnight, and a few times he would keep holding me, and he’d be shaking.

At some point Ey came with me to his son’s house where I was house sitting, as we had to find some paperwork, Ey started hugging me when we got there, his hands slipped and he touched my breasts, he had done this before but I don’t recall when, I just remember that I had said no to this before, and I said to Ey ‘I will hit you if you do that again’. Ey let go of me and sat down, he stayed sitting and was praying as I looked for the paperwork, then I showed him some songs in my songs and poems scrapbook and we pretended nothing had happened.

But it was not the last time that he did that, there were more occasions and once I did slap him, one night at a later date, when Ey’s wife had gone to bed and Ey and I were about to go to the post box to post letters, his hands slipped and I hit him, ‘did I just hit you?’  ‘yes’ , ‘oh, sorry’.
It was probably the Beginning of November that I went to live with Ey and Ey’s wife.
Ey was enthusiastic, Ey’s wife was not too keen, she said it was only for a week or so while I found somewhere, ‘because grown up daughters shouldn’t be at home’.
Ey said ‘oh she’ll get used to you being here, I want you to be here so we can get to know you better and help you’.

Every day Ey would hold me and cuddle me, Ey’s wife allowed this. When Ey’s wife wasn’t around, Ey would sit me on his knee and sometimes he would rest his head on my chest, I allowed this because he turned his head sideways and and just rested his cheek lightly and I just thought he was old fashioned innocent and eccentric.

I think it was in November/December that Ey came to hug me, as he did frequently throughout the day, and as he hugged me he told me that his wife didn’t like us hugging so much.  I let go of him and said, ‘then don’t keep hugging me’ Ey kicked up a fuss.
I found Ey’s wife and said ‘are you unhappy about me and Ey hugging so much?’
Ey’s wife said ‘no I know both of you and trust you.’
I told Ey this, and he said ‘***** is lying, she doesn’t want a fuss’.

A similar situation occurred later when Ey told me that Ey’s wife thought I would be a burden to her for the rest of her life, and I think quite a few of these situations occurred throughout the friendship, with two sides being told to me. Ouch.
Ey took to calling me to him when he was working in his home office, where he spends long hours doing church admin, he would hold me briefly and then say, ‘I must get on’, I said to him ‘lets not have these brief cuddles as I feel like I am in your way, lets leave cuddles until you aren’t doing paperwork’ He said ‘you really have a problem with me working’, ‘No Ey I do not’.
Ey made me like a small child, he cuddled the child to him and called himself Daddy, but at the same time he talked about sexuality and got very close, I wanted to be a small child, re-do my childhood, and that was what Ey seemed to be offering.

Ey kissed my lips on a number of occasions, and my neck, but he told me off for kissing his cheek when I hugged him and commented on my feelings for him because I kissed his cheek, just as I do kiss my friends cheeks, ‘people will think you fancy me’, that made me angry and I lashed out, upsetting Ey’s wife. Ey was playing games, I didn’t really realise it.
On several occasions I told Ey that he wasn’t to hug me because he was playing games, ‘what will people think?’
‘Well Ey, if I don’t allow you to touch me, they cant think anything’, a huge fuss was made
‘look how much this is upsetting *****, you not allowing hugs’.

Mummy’s got bruises:
Ey seemed to need me to know that he was still sexually active at his age.
We were having breakfast one Sunday, the conversation was fascinating, I was being autistic and it was fish and butter for breakfast:
‘fish? Fish? Fish, butter, Daddy show me how to put butter on the fish’ (I hadn’t had fish and butter before I met Ey and Ey’s wife)
 ‘You don’t use the wooden knife or mummy will be cross’,
‘oh’.
Ey’s wife said something about a bruise that she didn’t know where she’d got it.
Ey,( very sexually), ‘oh, Mummy has bruises in places that she can’t show you’
Ey’s wife spluttered.
Me:  ‘Don’t be revolting ,Ey’
End of conversation.
·         
·         
·        What did he do:
·        In church, holding me and hugging me, yet telling me people were talking about him and me
·        Going in a room alone with me yet telling me people were talking
·        Telling me off for platonic kisses when his were not.
·        Forcing contact
·        Doing physical therapy
·        Doing sexual therapy
·        The things he said about sex
·        Causing problems between me and his wife
·        Emotional torture
·        Ey did some very odd things, (says Miss Abergers Syndrome).
·        Ey found out that I was wary of having my upper arms and my neck touched. So he developed a routine – he would stand there very tall and straight and gesture me to come to him, a little flick of his hand, ‘come here’, he would make me put my head right up in the air and he would stroke my neck, at first I would choke when he did this, but I got used to it, it did alarm me, and it did make Ey’s wife tut, then he would do my arms, stroking continuously up and down, I never got used to that, it is a physically uncomfortable experience, and this routine usually left me a bit confused, Ey called it ‘my medicine’ or ‘putting me through my paces’, it was odd, he could well be helping me, but on the other hand it could be that Ey needed to be ‘in charge’, male dominance, I wondered if the pinning down was the same sort of thing, he did it when I’d been away and come back, reasserting his dominance?. Ey needed me to know that he was ‘the man’, he jeered at me about my physical strength, hence my comment in the ‘slap on the nose email’ about ‘Male identity’.

·        Ey does jeer, it’s surprising for such a gentle, humble man, but he does, I was very shy and embarrassed sometimes, he would come out with things like calling people sunbathing ‘beached walruses, and repeatedly commented on my weight (no longer an issue due to all this, the trauma diet.)
·         
·        At the end of my friendship with Ey and Ey’s wife I was trying desparately to repair what was left of the relationship, and Ey was just calmly smashing me about with the things that he said Ey’s wife was saying or thinking about me, I realised finally that he was playing games, always had and always would, he wasn’t going to take any responsibility or help ease the distress.
·        Ey’s wife was being nice to me, but Ey said it was just because she was a good Christian, I had previously told them both that I wouldn’t say anything against them to anyone because I loved them, but I was taking the weight of blame and had them talking about me to people.

·        I realised that Ey wasn’t going to stop playing games, he wasn’t going to work with me to rebuild the friendship, he’d never made any effort to do so, he just kept telling me what Ey’s wife thought of me, he talked to other people about me, no attempt was ever made to sit and talk with me about problems, apart from when I got Ey’s wife to talk to me when Ey said that Ey’s wife thought I would be a burden to her for the rest of her life (what a lovely thing to say about someone you’ve adopted knowing that they have problems).

·        Neither Ey’s wife nor Ey were emotionally capable of carrying out the commitment of taking in a damaged person, ‘adopting’ them and ‘healing them’, Ey’s ‘healing methods’ such as the ‘medicine’ above, had their side effects that Ey and Ey’s wife triggered and couldn’t cope with, yet they told everyone else that they couldn’t cope, and I was shamed and embarrassed in church.
·        A thought occurred, did Ey talk about me getting pregnant because he wanted to go further with me but didn’t dare? I don’t know, never will know, it was just a sudden thought.  I think that conversation continued on the subject of sex and masturbation,or there was a similar conversation, I didn’t start the conversation but I was silly enough to  join in, I was alone with Ey on the sofa.

·        It could be very difficult to read what Ey’s thoughts and intentions were, for example the sudden biting at my chest, why did he do that? He couldn’t say it was ‘therapy’, was it a game? Was he being just irresponsible? Testing my reactions? When I put my finger on his nose and said’no’, he just grinned and said nothing, he never apologised. I was shaking, surely a loving Daddy doesn’t do things like that.

·        Ey sitting me on his knee was always at his invitation and when Ey’s wife wasn’t around, I never went to him and climbed on his knee, he used to sit me across his knees, so my bottom was one side and my legs were hanging down the other side, he didn’t sit me facing him, but once when he was manouvering things he said something about ‘ending up in a position that we don’t want to be in’, but  he was my daddy. Ey’s wife must have seen me sitting on Ey’s knees at least once, one time when she came up to the bathroom and I was sitting on Ey’s knees in his office and Ey said ‘***** may not like us doing this’, Ey’s wife didn’t say anything though, and I said to her that Ey was telling me about God. Looking back and thinking about all this I really shouldn’t have let Ey do these things, and I should really have thought about why Ey’s wife would have not liked that but at the time he was ‘Daddy’, trying to cure me, trying to mend me, and I wanted to be mended and be part of a family I completely trusted Ey, every other word from him was God and scripture, so I thought he must be trustworthy. I should have known better, I really should.

·        Ey talked about sex outside of marriage, something about the reason why I wouldn’t have sex, if it was because of fear? At the time I thought he meant fear of God, (this was before he asked me about being raped) and I told him that it wasn’t fear of God’s judgement, it was about honouring God.
·        When I was showing Ey and Ey’s wife photographs, Ey wanted to look closer at the photo of me in a swimsuit but I wouldn’t let him, so he tried to snatch the page of photos off me and I crumpled them up because I was embarrassed, Ey’s wife went mad at me. My behavioural problems? My behavioural problems?

·        Daddies don’t often make a point of talking sex to daughters, they are usually too embarrassed. I didn’t think about that at the time, I just thought how loving and nurturing daddy was, cuddling me in his arms and I thought that because he was a Christian and married that he must have the right motives. How stupid and naive I was, even after all my life story.
·        Even with friends that I’ve known a long time, even JM, I was never asked if I was raped and we don’t discuss rape, none of my male friends have ever talked about rape and it is rare for sex to be in the conversation. Ey started talking about sex soon after I met him, I should have, may have seen a warning sign in that, but I dismissed my fears, Ey was a church officer, he said I was his daughter, he is eccentric, so I excused him.

·        How was I expected to cope with being daughter/not daughter. Like when there was a party for Ey’s stepmum, all the family were there, I was very blatantly not invited and Ey’s wife was going through the details of the party for days afterwards, what fun the children had etc. It was torture for me and I got told off for not knowing how to react. Daughter? Shameful secret?

·        Ey hugged me sometimes when he was wearing his pyjamas and sometimes when he was in pyjamas with no pyjama top on. I didn’t see this as sexual, but I jokingly told him to put his top on, there was no genital contact in the pyjama hugs. I never hugged Ey when I was wearing my pyjamas, Ey and Ey’s wife never saw me in pyjamas as I was shy, I was always fully dressed in dayclothes when they saw me. Ey and Ey’s wife didn’t see me on Christmas day after I walked out as I went home to bed, but on boxing day morning Ey wanted me to come out of my room and hug him, his words, but I told him that it would be rude because I still in my pyjamas.