(No Subject)
Hello condemner,
would you like to meet and smash me down?
if so, will you then leave me alone after that (no),
I am available to meet.
you are determined to go on distressing me
and you wanted to meet,
which surprised me.
Here I am.
Here I am,
my whole life is about being on the run from you and the Bishop and the bad name you give me.
God is keeping me waiting in this dead life for something
maybe it's a conclusion with my enemy,
maybe if I can have a conclusion, ie you telling me what you told the nightshelter and ***** *****e and everyone else,
so that I am condemned,
then I can know for sure I am going to hell,
and your God can let me.
I could stay in London and gain great benefit from the constant soup kitchens,
but it isn't safe,
neither is Southampton,
and I cannot go home, because you have ripped my home away from me.
And wherever I go you will condemn me.
Even if I change my name and die my hair
my hair is dead, deepest sympathy.
I am tired of struggling with being condemned,
having been called wicked and told I was not abused and that I am just a troublemaker,
having been convicted the same by the abusers supporters.
I am waiting for God to let this useless life end
because I tried with all my might to make this life of worth
and failed.
I did not make the abuse up,
I do not hear voices, I think the cult churches in Jersey hear voices in order to make up the terrible blasphemies that they come out with.
I am not delusional, I heard correctly what the Keys said, after they were allowed to be involved further after they tried to sabotage my complaitn and then got their lawyers involved to protect themselves,
and I heard what Jane Fisher said over and over, telling me that what was happenign was not, and trying to blame my reaction for everything.
I have never considered myself a good Christian,
I am too disturbed and damaged and autistic,
but I know that I could not cope or get help for the psychological damage caused by the abuse in Jersey, and to have that abuse denied by the Keys citing George and Jill and Juliet, who they liased with, is too much, and your answer to the was to have me attacked by the police constantly.
I couldn't cope with the way the church harmed me through the BBC while ostracising me from pastoral help and allowing my abusers to continue to receive pastoral help and go in clergy houses, and allowing the Keys to continue to back them and leave them in positions of authority which I repeatedly witnessed.
I was the one ostracised for the abuse,
and you have continued to do that, telling only the church's side, and making me out to be a demon or a nutcase, preventing me from receiving help, as you continue to do, I feel unable to go anywhere because I know that you can trace me and will have me 'talked about' and damaged, that makes me desparate for death, I will never be me again, and when I do die you will write a terrible obituary to me in the press, if not before.
If you want a meeting then let me know soon, as I have no hope of recovering from this. I would ratehr get your destroyal and accusations of mental illness behind me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in hopeless shame and trying to hide from you and the terrible things you say about me.
I don't want to be who the church make me, I want to be innocent and bewildered again, not on the run and hurting without any relief.
I don't want to be condemned and treated like dirt and have Lou Scott-Joynt telling me I am mentally ill despite the many asessments that say I am not. I dont want to feel the police's hands on me and be humiliated and stripped again and again in flashbacks. I dont want to be shouted at by the Bishop who allowed Jane Fisher to repeatedly put me down and tell me that things like Phil Warren's attack on behalf of St. Andrews never happened, and that attack spoke for the other people and churches who shunned me and believed my abusers innocent.
Key said the abusers never abused me and were only kind, I was abused, the abusers were kind in some ways and in others very cruel, being called a burden is not kind, nor is being forced into pysical activitiy in areas that hurt me and are called therapy by the abuser, if I was just a troublemaker then how do they explain years of friendship with Shirley and Mike, Anne and Ray, Janis, Roy and Sandy, Peter and Elizabeth, Ted and Joan, etc, how come I never accused them of abuse??? Because they did nothing physical or sexual to hurt me, nor did they emotionally hurt me, Anne once tried to corner me and take hold of me when she didn't understand why I wouldn't phone someone who she asked me to phone, she was asking things that were beyond my capability, and she didn't know it, she was trying to help, not abuse me, and I knew that.
Here I am destroyed, I have been offered a chance to join a church, offered a chance to be a Jehova's witness, and that is supposed to be about God and should be safe from you, but my confused brain still doesn't want to join the 'safe from Jane and Bishop' churches,
I am in so much distress that what good would it do? be accepted, be unabused in a church, unhindered by the diocese, unslandered, no, my life si destroyed by church and people who serve this God and condemn me. I am not joining even the extreme churches, I am asking God for my death because there is no recovery from all of this, you will not let me recover, you will not leave me alone and let me be safe in a church or with any people.
My real interest is in if you can get ******* and ****** to turn their backs as you have with all my other friends who have seen me collapse and break down.
Lou was trying to get their surname, in the same soft hardly there voice that she mentioned St. ****** in at first, ***** said real Christians do not judge in the way that I was being judged, but I have seen friends who were pillars of strength, every possible type of Christian turn their backs,
so I know that what you are saying is strong enough to take anyone. Until you do drive me to death. Maybe you should stop telling them I am insane, you have been proved wrong so many times.
Maybe you should try living with people spreading slander about you after you have been called wicked and told nothing has happened to you, maybe you should try losing everything you ever worked for and return to your home town to dreadful slander and condemneation even from people you trust.
would you like to meet and smash me down?
if so, will you then leave me alone after that (no),
I am available to meet.
you are determined to go on distressing me
and you wanted to meet,
which surprised me.
Here I am.
Here I am,
my whole life is about being on the run from you and the Bishop and the bad name you give me.
God is keeping me waiting in this dead life for something
maybe it's a conclusion with my enemy,
maybe if I can have a conclusion, ie you telling me what you told the nightshelter and ***** *****e and everyone else,
so that I am condemned,
then I can know for sure I am going to hell,
and your God can let me.
I could stay in London and gain great benefit from the constant soup kitchens,
but it isn't safe,
neither is Southampton,
and I cannot go home, because you have ripped my home away from me.
And wherever I go you will condemn me.
Even if I change my name and die my hair
my hair is dead, deepest sympathy.
I am tired of struggling with being condemned,
having been called wicked and told I was not abused and that I am just a troublemaker,
having been convicted the same by the abusers supporters.
I am waiting for God to let this useless life end
because I tried with all my might to make this life of worth
and failed.
I did not make the abuse up,
I do not hear voices, I think the cult churches in Jersey hear voices in order to make up the terrible blasphemies that they come out with.
I am not delusional, I heard correctly what the Keys said, after they were allowed to be involved further after they tried to sabotage my complaitn and then got their lawyers involved to protect themselves,
and I heard what Jane Fisher said over and over, telling me that what was happenign was not, and trying to blame my reaction for everything.
I have never considered myself a good Christian,
I am too disturbed and damaged and autistic,
but I know that I could not cope or get help for the psychological damage caused by the abuse in Jersey, and to have that abuse denied by the Keys citing George and Jill and Juliet, who they liased with, is too much, and your answer to the was to have me attacked by the police constantly.
I couldn't cope with the way the church harmed me through the BBC while ostracising me from pastoral help and allowing my abusers to continue to receive pastoral help and go in clergy houses, and allowing the Keys to continue to back them and leave them in positions of authority which I repeatedly witnessed.
I was the one ostracised for the abuse,
and you have continued to do that, telling only the church's side, and making me out to be a demon or a nutcase, preventing me from receiving help, as you continue to do, I feel unable to go anywhere because I know that you can trace me and will have me 'talked about' and damaged, that makes me desparate for death, I will never be me again, and when I do die you will write a terrible obituary to me in the press, if not before.
If you want a meeting then let me know soon, as I have no hope of recovering from this. I would ratehr get your destroyal and accusations of mental illness behind me. I don't want to spend the rest of my life in hopeless shame and trying to hide from you and the terrible things you say about me.
I don't want to be who the church make me, I want to be innocent and bewildered again, not on the run and hurting without any relief.
I don't want to be condemned and treated like dirt and have Lou Scott-Joynt telling me I am mentally ill despite the many asessments that say I am not. I dont want to feel the police's hands on me and be humiliated and stripped again and again in flashbacks. I dont want to be shouted at by the Bishop who allowed Jane Fisher to repeatedly put me down and tell me that things like Phil Warren's attack on behalf of St. Andrews never happened, and that attack spoke for the other people and churches who shunned me and believed my abusers innocent.
Key said the abusers never abused me and were only kind, I was abused, the abusers were kind in some ways and in others very cruel, being called a burden is not kind, nor is being forced into pysical activitiy in areas that hurt me and are called therapy by the abuser, if I was just a troublemaker then how do they explain years of friendship with Shirley and Mike, Anne and Ray, Janis, Roy and Sandy, Peter and Elizabeth, Ted and Joan, etc, how come I never accused them of abuse??? Because they did nothing physical or sexual to hurt me, nor did they emotionally hurt me, Anne once tried to corner me and take hold of me when she didn't understand why I wouldn't phone someone who she asked me to phone, she was asking things that were beyond my capability, and she didn't know it, she was trying to help, not abuse me, and I knew that.
Here I am destroyed, I have been offered a chance to join a church, offered a chance to be a Jehova's witness, and that is supposed to be about God and should be safe from you, but my confused brain still doesn't want to join the 'safe from Jane and Bishop' churches,
I am in so much distress that what good would it do? be accepted, be unabused in a church, unhindered by the diocese, unslandered, no, my life si destroyed by church and people who serve this God and condemn me. I am not joining even the extreme churches, I am asking God for my death because there is no recovery from all of this, you will not let me recover, you will not leave me alone and let me be safe in a church or with any people.
My real interest is in if you can get ******* and ****** to turn their backs as you have with all my other friends who have seen me collapse and break down.
Lou was trying to get their surname, in the same soft hardly there voice that she mentioned St. ****** in at first, ***** said real Christians do not judge in the way that I was being judged, but I have seen friends who were pillars of strength, every possible type of Christian turn their backs,
so I know that what you are saying is strong enough to take anyone. Until you do drive me to death. Maybe you should stop telling them I am insane, you have been proved wrong so many times.
Maybe you should try living with people spreading slander about you after you have been called wicked and told nothing has happened to you, maybe you should try losing everything you ever worked for and return to your home town to dreadful slander and condemneation even from people you trust.
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