Sent:	18 December 2008 21:15:26
To:	joyce.cockell@dsl.pipex.com; martyn.sanders@dsl.pipex.com

Hello,
I am appealing to the Bishop of Winchester for help again.
Earlier this year I wrote with concerns regarding a Churchwarden and his wife,
this couple have hurt me very badly, the churchwarden by using sexuality on me as well as playing emotional games, and his wife by saying and shouting some terrible things, they have almost literally driven me mad, I am autistic and have behavioural problems, and because of what happened I am out of control and also very ill with disturbed sleep and nightmares, severe concentration problems, which led to a car crash which hasn't helped, and I am now unable to work, I am very very distressed.
 My concerns that I sent to you were being handled by Jane Fisher, but I have just been told through another person that all that is being done is that the Churchwarden is being asked not to work with vulnerable people unsupervised.
I am astounded that this information was given to someone else, not me, am I mistaken, why did this happen?? Is this man really allowed to go on running a church after what he did to me? This evening he called me a liar in front of people, and tried to get people from a church that I have worshipped at since to be witnesses to me losing my temper, I am being criminalised for what this man did to me, yet he is representing God and the Church and I have lost my faith in God, which was my light and hope in the darkness of multiple disabilities and poverty, he abused me, the depth of the damage is hard to explain, but I prayed to God for a family to belong to, because I am disabled and alone, this man brought me into his family, told me that 'God had told him to take me as a daughter' and he regressed me so I was like a child, then he talked sex to me and did things he shouldn't, his wife called me a burden because I kept reacting and she said and did other cruel things, I got more and more ill, when I finally spoke up, I was thrown out of the 'sent to by God family', I didn't recover, and the very long and seemingly unsuccesful complaint has left me very close to insanity in that I have been tempted to commit violence towards these people and have been verbally abusive, but this is because they have done all this and not only walked away, but called me a liar. Violence is something that frightens me, I am not violent, but to see these people still respected church leaders and calling me a liar is too much, my life has been devastated by them and they calmly say that I made it up, I couldn't possibly do that, I am no angel, I have been exceedingly nasty because of the way they have treated me, but I have not lied. Nor am I just a user. Nor have I caused trouble in my current church and housgroup that I go to and love despite losing God.
They took my dream of being part of a family and rubbished it, and me, they damaged a longstanding friendship when the Churchwarden phoned my friend when he heard about the complaint, and told my friend that he had been doing 'sexual therapy' on me to 'cure my problems', he got this friend, who was the worst possible person to be involved, and I lost that friend. Please do not let this man get away with the injustices he has done. He was dismissed as church secretary from his previous church because he overstepped boundaries, as he did with me. I had no interest in sex with him, and kept fending him off.
He hurt me a lot with things he said and did other than sexual things, and the things his wife said hurt me every day so I cant recover, I have no access to therapy due to costs, so I am living in an utter nightmare, the police locked me up to stop me commiting suicide the other week, and I am claustrophobic, so the added terror of that has really left me beyond help.
With all of my heart, Your Grace, I am crying out to you for help and recompense, this man should not be representing God or you, he took God from me, I cant worship his God, I loved God so much and God has gone, taken by this man and his wife and I am looked upon as something repulsive by the churches, it is a small community, people know what is going on, the complaint was not taken seriously by the Dean, the police couldn't prosecute because this man didn't get as far as sexual intercourse with me and there so wasn't enough evidence for them, but my complaint is truthful and being called a liar by these people while I am this ill must be an abomination to God, wherever God has gone, I try to pray but I am silent because He is so far away, and if He condones their actions and allows this in His name, then how can I love Him or believe in Him?


I appeal to the Bishop, firstly to be merciful and look at this matter again, secondly I really am at the end because of this, and I will go to hell when I die because God has been taken from me and I am raging mad, is there a priest who can help me, please.
Your grace, I affirm in front of God, who I still want to believe in, that what I have said in my complaint is true, in front of God the Father and Jesus, His Son and in His name, what I have told you is true, please have mercy and look at my complaint again, the way I write things looks fantastical because I am disabled and with many things wrong because my soul is destroyed, I am violently angry, which is against God, but the people who hurt me have separated me from God so much and they have made me out to be liar and a troublemaker, I am nasty because the things they did took the last of my hope and I am in despair. Please I appeal to you and to God, don't let these people go on running that church and saying that I have been untruthful.

who was the senator that Jane Fisher met with to do with my case?

Subject: RE: please ask fisher to stop
Date: Mon, 24 May 2010 17:01:37 +0100
From: Joyce.Cockell@Winchester.anglican.org
To: ********@hotmail.co.uk

Dear *****,

I was just going to email you and yes, I did receive the text you forwarded on to me.  I agree the use of the word “irrelevant” was not good, but as I said I think you must speak with Bishop Michael.  I’m thinking of you coming over on Saturday, 5^th June to see him in the morning.  However, he is away on holiday this week and I know he was hoping to attend a meeting in London later that day so I would need to make absolutely sure that he would have enough time to see you.  I am hopeful though.  I have looked up flights and there is a Blue Islands flight leaving Jersey at 0835 and arriving at Southampton Airport at 0925.  There are return flights at 1605 and 1830.

If the Saturday was not good for you or Bishop Michael, would you be able to come over on Monday 7^th June or Wednesday, 9^th June?

Let me know what you think would be best for you and then once I hear from you and once Bishop Michael is back from holiday (not until Tuesday, 1^st June)  I can book your flights.

Best Wishes,

Joyce

---

From:**********************
Sent: Monday, 24 May 2010 16:36
To: Joyce Cockell
Subject: please ask fisher to stop

Hello,

do you get this email from me?

what that email text from Jane Fisher was about was that I was angry at her lies that things with Key and Warren did not happen and that she has gone on making out and implying those things did not happen which is a lie because they did. And she did excuse them and leave me criminalised and to blame and shamed.
I told her I would not meet with her because she would traumatise me, she does with every word,
she then tried to use Philip LeClaire to drag me into a meeting, I sid no very angrily,
more recently she tried to use Tracy to get me into a meeting, she was told no, her influence in my relationship wit Tracy has invalidated it,

so if the Bishop thinks his safeguarding officer should be telling a victim that what she says is irrelevant????

Jane Fisher does know what she is saying in each attack, she is not autistic and has caused me great trauma and has contradicted herself many times and has been unhelful even when communication is two way, which always traumatises me.

I cannot meet with her because she traumatised me, this does not give her an excuse to say that the rest of my complaint is irrelevant, which is what her text says.

she considers it irrelevant, but apparently she is coming over here 'on business' soon, to meet with a senator and other people, is the Bishop allowing her to come over to prepare the people I complained about for defending themselves against my complaint?
she certainly wont be here to help me.

so is my complaint going to be taken seriously? if so, could you ask the Bishop to stop Jane fisher from continuing to harm me?
fisher says oh I communicate with her, I have done because this continuing injustce is her fault and is beyong my capability to live with.

I was under the  impression that you and the Bishop's office were influenced by Fisher and were part of the church against me, speaking to you earlier you sounded nothing like Fisher.

So I apologise to you and Martyn and the Bishop if I have made an error and I apologise for seriously behaving badly towards you, if you are genuinely not fisher types.

please could I urgently ask you to ask fisher to refrain from attacking now from Croatia, I have
 two more texts from her just now and I am very close to the end of my tether and she is continuing to drive me while I am in despair.

Sent:	27 July 2009 15:18:06
To:	jane.fisher@winchester.anglican.org; joyce.cockell@dsl.pipex.com; helen.gunner@dsl.pipex.com; martyn.sanders@dsl.pipex.com

I am still waiting for an answer as to why Bob Key was allowed to sabotage my complaint, it is a clear, clear statement from the church that abuse is allowed, condoned, encouraged.

If I had not fought **** off and said no to some of his advances, he could have got as far as sex, **** will be very careful and choose someone very disabled next time,

the church will be in very big trouble, especially because they drove me from my complaint and allowed me to be maligned and driven  from the church community, left my complaint undealtwith  and left me ruined.


since you never met with me, you are judging me on other people's cover ups and leaving me with a bad name,

you really are happy with an abuser running an appaling church?

and leaving me destroyed? what is the point of your God?

From: *********@hotmail.co.uk
To: joyce.cockell@dsl.pipex.com; helen.gunner@dsl.pipex.com; martyn.sanders@dsl.pipex.com; jane.fisher@winchester.anglican.org; deanofjersey@gov.je
Subject: For the Bishop of Winchester
Date: Fri, 10 Apr 2009 20:02:07 +0100

Your Grace,

Please take action, surely you don't think church leaders should be protected for misbehaviour, and the victim should be destroyed? 

Those abusers were running church services in the last week. Mrs. Abuser was there yesterday having a good natter with the bad vicar.

Surely church leaders shouldn't call a disabled person a burden when she reacts to abuse, they shouldn't shout, belittle, force physical and sexual contact, sexual talk, play mind games, blame the victim to the church for her reactions so she gets unkind treatment, etc. 

I dont think anything is ok, I loved God, trusted God, but my abuser told me 'God had told him to take me as a daughter' and I had always prayed for a family, so I bore the brunt of his wife's resentment, she didn't want a poor, disabled daughter, and I was made to feel very very small and rubbish, with every little fault of mine not only picked ou, but told to the church, and I was told that her sons would never have done the menial work I have to do, even when they were at university.

I was subjected to unwanted physical and sexual contact and sexual talk that distressed me, especially being asked very deeply about my sexuality, and being forced to talk about being raped when I was younger, and these talks were done with my abuser holding me, against my wishes one time, and also sitting me on his knee. He also played pinning down games that caused me to go into shock and have flashbacks, and he did this during a time when he had regressed me so I was like a small child, I was blamed and punished for my reactions to this, especially by his wife, and was also punished for being confused about some of the bad quality of St. Andrews, and for my distress at the rifts my abuser was causing between me and St. Andrews.

Is it really appropriate that my abusers are still playing a big part in the running of that church, almost a year after the matter was reported to the Dean, who mishandled it?

The Dean saw my abusers for an afternoon, then saw me for 20 minutes and had obviously bought their story and was very grim with me, he said 'isn't abuse a bit of a harsh word for it?' and he warned me I could get done for defamation of character (my abusers weren't warned that and have maligned me in the church community, my recent drastic retaliation to that is no secret, I am very sad about the way church people have treated me because of my abusers maligning me), the Dean tried to close the complaint, and intimidated me so much that I had to speak to him through a third party. 

Recently the church hijacked the BBC to report on this case and as well as the BBC doing an innacurate report, they told me to 'phone Bob Key', I cannot use phone properly, I am autistic, I would not speak to Bob Key anyway, and I was horrified when Jane Fisher toldme a month ago that Bob Key was still involved, I appealled against his involvement very strongly. I dont think the BBC or Bob Key have any right to communicate with me the way they did.

The BBC also threatened police action for my truthful fury about Bob Key, and I told them and everyone else what I thought of that - intimidation from the church and BBC? outragious, I also reported the BBC guy t the complaints office.

 loved God with all my heart before all this, I was too autistic and damaged to be a shining good Christian, but I loved and trusted God, it was one thing I had, it made life good, faith. But that is destroyed, and my abusers are still running a church. Never mind Bob Key, sin forgiven, but abuse is wickedness and they haven't taken responsibility for anything, just blamed me, and Mr. A buser was sacked as church secretary from his last church and he even said about that that he was 'sacked by mistake but he orgave them' ! He will abuse again if he can, he was quite happy to tell me of other misconducts while he was abusing me, for example talking sex to girls on an evangelising walk.


Please, for the sake of vulnerable people and church, take action.

From: *********@downsbenefice.org.uk
To: *********@hotmail.co.uk
Date: Fri, 18 Sep 2009 02:20:58 -0700
Subject: RE: for (JM) only

Der ******

I have not replied before because you have always said any email would be deleted unread, so I just stopped trying.

I have been very sad about all that has happened, and I too have dreamed, of seeing you again and laughing and talking in our old way.

I have never stopped loving you, and I fear for you.

Do not worry about me, I am OK, and about to go away tomorrow with Annie and Mum for a fortnight.

I don’t have time to write more now, but if you want me to I will reply to future emails.

Love,

(JM)

Revd (JM)

Please note my new e-mail address with immediate effect is ***********@downsbenefice.org.uk

---

From: ***** ****** [mailto:*********@hotmail.co.uk] 
Sent: 18 September 2009 04:59
To: Revd (JM)
Subject: for (JM) only

Hello (JM),

I doubt that you read this, if it even gets through, the administrator reads it and deletes it.

I just had a dream, that we were friends again, it was wonderful, we walked arm in arm, I was no longer desperate outlaw being hounded for what I reported.

our friendship was full of happiness and laughter and no memory of what happened.

Then we saw a tornado approaching us, you did not seem to understand it was dangerous, I got you to run with me and I was shielding you with my body, because you were more precious to me than anything ever, and you were in real life before you betrayed me, and I would have sheltered you and given my life for you, I still would. In the dream the tornado was too close, and I tried to get you to 'the house' whatever house, and shielded you as the tornado hit.

I hope no tornado hits you.

I wish I could shield you.

I wish you were my dear friend,

and not part of me being dehumanised for reporting grave wrongs.

you shouldn't have acted for the people who hurt me,


or been involved, because it was against my wishes,

nor did I report you, I would not make a complaint against you, even though you gave people the wrong image of me,

and stood and let your family attack me when I was desparate for help because of the very people who you mediated for and got involved for and spoke for when you shouldn't.

it was the people you spoke for who caused your name or yor husband's name to be mentioned.

but I hope you never have to deal with any consequences,

I have never wanted a tornado to hit you, no matter how you have unintentionally hurt me,

I do not think that you can possibly know from where you are, how seriously I have been damaged by what has happened,

and I doubt that the people who communicated with you because they wanted things hushed up would have told you.

but I am not mad nor criminal, I have only tried to protect others because I have been destroyed.


I hope no tornado ever hits you, I would give my life to shield you, as I tried to in my dream.


you didnt shield me, but that doesn't matter, we are apart now. I loved you so much in the dream, and in real life I did, you were my friend, but I am me now. I couldnt be your me, I am my me, and I am also the me that those people tell people I am, because their influence is also very strong, even though I am not who they say I am.


I hope you are safe forever because it would break my heart if you were not.

*****

email to the Archbishop 11/05/2011

Your Lord Grace Archbishop of Canterbury,

I want an answer as to why I am a homeless criminal after your churches failed to protect and then damaged me,

 

why clergy you employ who have done much worse than autistic anger are out there unreprimanded while I am destroyed and everything I struggled to achieve is gone.

 

I have no quality of life and have had to flee Winchester because of the way I was being treated on behalf of the diocese, and because I was terrified every time I saw a police car.

 

why are your clergy not beaten up and thrown in cells for 24 hours and called mad and bad for being unable to cope with a very unfair situation? Is it because you do indeed condone cover ups?  I see from his press article that the Bishop who has overseen my destroyal is on very friendly terms with you. But I am asking you to listen to my story because it does notmake sense that I am on the streets destroyed while my abusers remain in positions of authority and backed by church leaders such as the Dean of Jersey who said I was not abused, that I was a troublemaker and wicked. The Bishop refused to deal with that, and supported the Dean in having me convicted for my anger and distress at his continued involvement. Autistic, regressed and abused, left regressed and severely psychologically damaged, havign to deal with the dean who was the abusers friend and tried to close the complaint, havingto deal with nothing being done and the abuser going round that small island saying he was cleared and thus having me shunned, having to deal with the damage being done by the two faced dean and the treatment I suffered as a result, and Jane Fisher's cold denial that any of that was happeneing -her denial and attacks on my character was the second most damaging thing after the Dean's treatment of me. And as a result I collapsed and when Jane continued to intervene I became hysterically distressed, especially as she utterly rubbished me by re-involving the Dean, in her continuing nastiness she told me that she had got her side over to the Bishop  - ie told him that nothing had been wrong with the way the Dean and priests had treated me on behalf of the abuser, and she told me that what I said was irrelevant, I told her I would let the Bishop see that text, one of her nasty texts, and again she said she would tell him it was about me refusing to meet with her over the abusers, which it was not and she said that me refusing to meet made evrything I said irrellevant.

She allowed Juliet Montague to involve herself and work with the Dean to make me out to be a serial troublemaker who has a pattern of making abuse accusations, but they couldn't explain about all my friends, most of whom the diocese have taken from me by contacting them, those friends didnt abuse me and so were not accused of abuse.

 

Your Lord Grace Archbishop,

I want the intervention by Jane Fisher in my life to stop, likewise the Scott-Joynt's damage of me,

I want something done about what has happened,

and it is my last wish,

I will never be able to rebuild my life,

I did not deliberately build my life on sand foundations,

it was that way since I was born,

I loved God from when I was four years old until recently as the endless destroyal by Wolvsley and Fisher went on,

with them trying so hard to make me out to be mentally ill in order to cover the whole matter.

 

The whole matter has meant that my physical health is deteriorating.

I came into the real world aged 17 and having loved God since I was 4,

I thought that the church was the only safe place where drinking, drugs, smoking and dishonesty and badness would not be,

and the church destroyed me,

utterly.

If I had stayed in the ghetto and joined in with the games there where people have children by each others partners and do unspeakable things and live on benefits and dirty money, then the Bishop and his Dean and Safeguarding officer would not have condemned me as wicked and a criminal.

But instead I went to church and was abused.

 

Now I have a life sentence, or rather a death sentence,

of condemnation and being called insane, despite that being disproved by the mental health services.

I will never come to terms with this,

with being called wicked,

with taking all the blame and being the victim of the diocesan cover up.

 

If you really are unwilling to listen and deal with this matter,

pray for my death.

There is no medicine and no counsellor that can ever take away what this has done to me.

I am destroyed,

and my only prayer to the God who allowed the churc to destroy me,

is for my death, soon, before my physical health gets worse,

before I am battered about by Jane Fisher's police again.

 

There is no threat of suicide in this email.

waiting for death is something all people do eventually,

unless they are killed.