This is a very very
small extract from my statements, there are hundreds of pages worth as this has
been a very complicated case. There is much much more to this than I have
collated here, but my resources are limited and no one has time to read the
full statement, even though letting anyone see a limited amount gives Ey an
advantage. Bringing a complaint against Ey has added to the devastation that he
and Ey’s wife did to my life, but I
think people need to know so that it doesn’t happen again.
Ey ‘adopted me’
though not legally, and he regressed me so I was like a child with him, he then
launched a massive project emotional and sexual abuse against me, while being a
‘good father’ and blaming me for my reaction of pain, anger, confusion and
depression.
What else happened:
Many times Ey sat me on his knees in his home office, he
rested his head against me and told me about marriage and married people
enjoying each others bodies, he told me that he had to make an effort to love his
wife after all these years. He told me about the girls on walk Cumbria who he
talked to about married people enjoying each others bodies, he told me about
people at work who he talked to about sex, he told me about one girl who was
‘good’ because she didn’t sleep with her boyfriend till they were married and
one girl who became a Christian and refused to sleep with her boyfriend until
he married her Ey said the girl said it was the longest 3 months of her life
before her boyfriend married her.
Ey said to me ‘you like us talking about these things when
we are warm and close like this, don’t you?’
I liked being cuddled by Daddy and I wanted daddy to know
that I wasn’t embarrassed by, or interested in, sex.
One time on Daddy’s knee:
Ey: ‘Sex is better without the Duvet in the way, you can get
much closer together without the duvet in the way’
me: ‘you are just an old man’.
I climbed off his
knee.
Ey was laughing like mad, so I walked away, I went to talk
to Ey’s wife and tell her some other things that Ey had said, nothing to do
with sex.
Later Ey called me to him, ‘you didn’t tell ***** what I
said about the duvet did you? She would be so embarrased’.
‘No, I didn’t’
It was around this
time that Ey asked me if I’d been raped, I was very ashamed and hid from him, Ey
came after me and persisted in asking, he hugged me and told me that it made
him love me even more. He told me that he’d heard that women felt dirty and ashamed
when they’d been raped, he wanted to know if I’d had a child by the rapist.
It started a very turbulent time of flashbacks that made Ey’s
wife angry again.
Ey continued the questions and the physical affection.
He would tell me to lie down and would pin me against the
sofa, how? With me lying down, he used the top half of his body only (good for
him!) or it would have been serious, he hugged me against the sofa and made
movements that could be described as sexual, one time he did this he kissed my
neck, and most times he said ‘you like that, you love your daddy don’t you? He
tended to do this when Ey’s wife had gone upstairs because she tended to go
upstairs first in the evening and have a bath then go to bed, he did this
possibly five or six times, two of the times were when I had been away in
England and came back, one time he was not quite pinning me but was half over
me on the sofa with his arms either side of me when Ey’s wife walked in, he
said to me ‘you are very daughterish’,
and removed himself,
‘heydaddy’.
Ey’s wife didn’t say anything.
He also took to pulling me onto his lap in the front room
when Ey’s wife had gone upstairs, in the end I didn’t sit alone with Ey in when
Ey’s wife had gone upstairs, but Ey would kiss me on the lips goodnight, and a
few times he would keep holding me, and he’d be shaking.
At some point Ey came with me to his son’s house where I was
house sitting, as we had to find some paperwork, Ey started hugging me when we
got there, his hands slipped and he touched my breasts, he had done this before
but I don’t recall when, I just remember that I had said no to this before, and
I said to Ey ‘I will hit you if you do that again’. Ey let go of me and sat
down, he stayed sitting and was praying as I looked for the paperwork, then I
showed him some songs in my songs and poems scrapbook and we pretended nothing
had happened.
But it was not the last time that he did that, there were
more occasions and once I did slap him, one night at a later date, when Ey’s
wife had gone to bed and Ey and I were about to go to the post box to post
letters, his hands slipped and I hit him, ‘did I just hit you?’ ‘yes’ , ‘oh, sorry’.
It was probably the Beginning
of November that I went to live with Ey and Ey’s wife.
Ey was enthusiastic, Ey’s wife was not too keen, she said it
was only for a week or so while I found somewhere, ‘because grown up daughters
shouldn’t be at home’.
Ey said ‘oh she’ll get used to you being here, I want you to
be here so we can get to know you better and help you’.
Every day Ey would hold me and cuddle me, Ey’s wife allowed
this. When Ey’s wife wasn’t around, Ey would sit me on his knee and sometimes
he would rest his head on my chest, I allowed this because he turned his head
sideways and and just rested his cheek lightly and I just thought he was old
fashioned innocent and eccentric.
I think it was in November/December that Ey came to hug me,
as he did frequently throughout the day, and as he hugged me he told me that his
wife didn’t like us hugging so much. I
let go of him and said, ‘then don’t keep hugging me’ Ey kicked up a fuss.
I found Ey’s wife and said ‘are you unhappy about me and Ey
hugging so much?’
Ey’s wife said ‘no I know both of you and trust you.’
I told Ey this, and he said ‘***** is lying, she doesn’t
want a fuss’.
A similar situation occurred later when Ey told me that Ey’s
wife thought I would be a burden to her for the rest of her life, and I think
quite a few of these situations occurred throughout the friendship, with two
sides being told to me. Ouch.
Ey took to calling me to him when he was working in his home
office, where he spends long hours doing church admin, he would hold me briefly
and then say, ‘I must get on’, I said to him ‘lets not have these brief cuddles
as I feel like I am in your way, lets leave cuddles until you aren’t doing
paperwork’ He said ‘you really have a problem with me working’, ‘No Ey I do
not’.
Ey made me like a small child, he cuddled the child to him
and called himself Daddy, but at the same time he talked about sexuality and
got very close, I wanted to be a small child, re-do my childhood, and that was
what Ey seemed to be offering.
Ey kissed my lips on a number of occasions, and my neck, but
he told me off for kissing his cheek when I hugged him and commented on my
feelings for him because I kissed his cheek, just as I do kiss my friends
cheeks, ‘people will think you fancy me’, that made me angry and I lashed out,
upsetting Ey’s wife. Ey was playing games, I didn’t really realise it.
On several occasions I told Ey that he wasn’t to hug me
because he was playing games, ‘what will people think?’
‘Well Ey, if I don’t allow you to touch me, they cant think
anything’, a huge fuss was made
‘look how much this is upsetting *****, you not allowing
hugs’.
Mummy’s got bruises:
Ey seemed to need me to know that he was still sexually
active at his age.
We were having breakfast one Sunday, the conversation was
fascinating, I was being autistic and it was fish and butter for breakfast:
‘fish? Fish? Fish, butter, Daddy show me how to put butter
on the fish’ (I hadn’t had fish and butter before I met Ey and Ey’s wife)
‘You don’t use the
wooden knife or mummy will be cross’,
‘oh’.
Ey’s wife said something about a bruise that she didn’t know
where she’d got it.
Ey,( very sexually), ‘oh, Mummy has bruises in places that
she can’t show you’
Ey’s wife spluttered.
Me: ‘Don’t be
revolting ,Ey’
End of conversation.
·
·
·
What did he do:
·
In church, holding me and hugging me, yet
telling me people were talking about him and me
·
Going in a room alone with me yet telling me
people were talking
·
Telling me off for platonic kisses when his were
not.
·
Forcing contact
·
Doing physical therapy
·
Doing sexual therapy
·
The things he said about sex
·
Causing problems between me and his wife
·
Emotional torture
·
Ey did some very odd things, (says Miss Abergers
Syndrome).
·
Ey found out that I was wary of having my upper
arms and my neck touched. So he developed a routine – he would stand there very
tall and straight and gesture me to come to him, a little flick of his hand,
‘come here’, he would make me put my head right up in the air and he would
stroke my neck, at first I would choke when he did this, but I got used to it,
it did alarm me, and it did make Ey’s wife tut, then he would do my arms,
stroking continuously up and down, I never got used to that, it is a physically
uncomfortable experience, and this routine usually left me a bit confused, Ey
called it ‘my medicine’ or ‘putting me through my paces’, it was odd, he could
well be helping me, but on the other hand it could be that Ey needed to be ‘in
charge’, male dominance, I wondered if the pinning down was the same sort of
thing, he did it when I’d been away and come back, reasserting his dominance?. Ey
needed me to know that he was ‘the man’, he jeered at me about my physical
strength, hence my comment in the ‘slap on the nose email’ about ‘Male
identity’.
·
Ey does jeer, it’s surprising for such a gentle,
humble man, but he does, I was very shy and embarrassed sometimes, he would
come out with things like calling people sunbathing ‘beached walruses, and
repeatedly commented on my weight (no longer an issue due to all this, the trauma
diet.)
·
·
At the end of my friendship with Ey and Ey’s
wife I was trying desparately to repair what was left of the relationship, and Ey
was just calmly smashing me about with the things that he said Ey’s wife was
saying or thinking about me, I realised finally that he was playing games,
always had and always would, he wasn’t going to take any responsibility or help
ease the distress.
·
Ey’s wife was being nice to me, but Ey said it
was just because she was a good Christian, I had previously told them both that
I wouldn’t say anything against them to anyone because I loved them, but I was
taking the weight of blame and had them talking about me to people.
·
I realised that Ey wasn’t going to stop playing
games, he wasn’t going to work with me to rebuild the friendship, he’d never
made any effort to do so, he just kept telling me what Ey’s wife thought of me,
he talked to other people about me, no attempt was ever made to sit and talk
with me about problems, apart from when I got Ey’s wife to talk to me when Ey
said that Ey’s wife thought I would be a burden to her for the rest of her life
(what a lovely thing to say about someone you’ve adopted knowing that they have
problems).
·
Neither Ey’s wife nor Ey were emotionally
capable of carrying out the commitment of taking in a damaged person,
‘adopting’ them and ‘healing them’, Ey’s ‘healing methods’ such as the
‘medicine’ above, had their side effects that Ey and Ey’s wife triggered and
couldn’t cope with, yet they told everyone else that they couldn’t cope, and I
was shamed and embarrassed in church.
·
A thought occurred, did Ey talk about me getting
pregnant because he wanted to go further with me but didn’t dare? I don’t know,
never will know, it was just a sudden thought.
I think that conversation continued on the subject of sex and
masturbation,or there was a similar conversation, I didn’t start the
conversation but I was silly enough to
join in, I was alone with Ey on the sofa.
·
It could be very difficult to read what Ey’s
thoughts and intentions were, for example the sudden biting at my chest, why
did he do that? He couldn’t say it was ‘therapy’, was it a game? Was he being
just irresponsible? Testing my reactions? When I put my finger on his nose and
said’no’, he just grinned and said nothing, he never apologised. I was shaking,
surely a loving Daddy doesn’t do things like that.
·
Ey sitting me on his knee was always at his
invitation and when Ey’s wife wasn’t around, I never went to him and climbed on
his knee, he used to sit me across his knees, so my bottom was one side and my
legs were hanging down the other side, he didn’t sit me facing him, but once
when he was manouvering things he said something about ‘ending up in a position
that we don’t want to be in’, but he was
my daddy. Ey’s wife must have seen me sitting on Ey’s knees at least once, one
time when she came up to the bathroom and I was sitting on Ey’s knees in his
office and Ey said ‘***** may not like us doing this’, Ey’s wife didn’t say
anything though, and I said to her that Ey was telling me about God. Looking
back and thinking about all this I really shouldn’t have let Ey do these
things, and I should really have thought about why Ey’s wife would have not
liked that but at the time he was ‘Daddy’, trying to cure me, trying to mend
me, and I wanted to be mended and be part of a family I completely trusted Ey,
every other word from him was God and scripture, so I thought he must be
trustworthy. I should have known better, I really should.
·
Ey talked about sex outside of marriage,
something about the reason why I wouldn’t have sex, if it was because of fear?
At the time I thought he meant fear of God, (this was before he asked me about
being raped) and I told him that it wasn’t fear of God’s judgement, it was
about honouring God.
·
When I was showing Ey and Ey’s wife photographs,
Ey wanted to look closer at the photo of me in a swimsuit but I wouldn’t let
him, so he tried to snatch the page of photos off me and I crumpled them up
because I was embarrassed, Ey’s wife went mad at me. My behavioural problems?
My behavioural problems?
·
Daddies don’t often make a point of talking sex
to daughters, they are usually too embarrassed. I didn’t think about that at
the time, I just thought how loving and nurturing daddy was, cuddling me in his
arms and I thought that because he was a Christian and married that he must
have the right motives. How stupid and naive I was, even after all my life
story.
·
Even with friends that I’ve known a long time,
even JM, I was never asked if I was raped and we don’t discuss rape, none of my
male friends have ever talked about rape and it is rare for sex to be in the
conversation. Ey started talking about sex soon after I met him, I should have,
may have seen a warning sign in that, but I dismissed my fears, Ey was a church
officer, he said I was his daughter, he is eccentric, so I excused him.
·
How was I expected to cope with being
daughter/not daughter. Like when there was a party for Ey’s stepmum, all the
family were there, I was very blatantly not invited and Ey’s wife was going
through the details of the party for days afterwards, what fun the children had
etc. It was torture for me and I got told off for not knowing how to react.
Daughter? Shameful secret?
·
Ey hugged me sometimes when he was wearing his
pyjamas and sometimes when he was in pyjamas with no pyjama top on. I didn’t
see this as sexual, but I jokingly told him to put his top on, there was no
genital contact in the pyjama hugs. I never hugged Ey when I was wearing my
pyjamas, Ey and Ey’s wife never saw me in pyjamas as I was shy, I was always
fully dressed in dayclothes when they saw me. Ey and Ey’s wife didn’t see me on
Christmas day after I walked out as I went home to bed, but on boxing day
morning Ey wanted me to come out of my room and hug him, his words, but I told
him that it would be rude because I still in my pyjamas.
